UpDATE: The Final (Sad) Chapter of Mr. Bodybuilder

So I’ll make this short and sweet cuz there’s a blog a lot of you are waiting to read about The Doc, too…

I’ll try to wrap up the culmination and eventual cold-turkey end to the once seemingly perfect relationship I had with Mr. Bodybuilder.  If you need catching up, go HERE, because the last time I blogged – everything was AMAZING!

hull-gym-weights

Long story short, I learned a long time ago that it’s a choice of ours to surround ourselves with who we want.  And for me, I choose to surround myself with happy, positive people.  Negative Nancys and Debbie Downers can take a seat. #byefelicia This applies to men, too.

Sadly, Mr. Bodybuilder experienced a setback in his career as a personal trainer that ultimately sent him into a downward spiral of negativity that I’ve rarely seen from anyone before.  Either that, or I eventually had a veil lifted from my hazy perspective of who I thought he was and/or the “clashing” we always encountered from Day 1 (being that I’m a ray of sunshine and he’s a dark cloud most days) just finally came to light and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Our workouts were on point still, but then I had to take a week long break to travel to a conference out of state.

During this week he was forced to leave the gym he’d built as a home for 20+ years and find another.  Luckily he found one only a few blocks from my office, so I happily switched over and continued to train with him.

But as the days went on, his negative perspective on life, along with his edgy and paranoid personality, only became more apparent.  He became defensive and cold and the support and fun we once shared in (and outside) of the gym, came to a screeching halt.

I would be my fun, playful and sometimes flirty self around him, and he’d shut me down, mock me or remain stone-faced. Something had changed.

There were a few times where I had unintentionally said or done something harmless but it would set him off like a nuclear bomb.  The man’s temper was no joke and after trying to deal with it for several weeks, I eventually hit my limit.

I was exhausted from the walking on eggshells and trying to maintain my motivation to keep showing up to the gym 6-7 times a week, and to meet with him for private sessions 4x week.  It’s hard enough to self-motivate yourself going to the gym and to stay on track if you’re trying to lose weight, so someone who says, “I’m literally not going to be your cheerleader…” doesn’t exactly help.

One night after a tough session, I was determined to take the positive route and was being fun and playful on our way out of the gym after we had finished. He was kinda playing back, as he had been on and off during the session that night. I thought – progress! But as we walked to our cars I playfully tripped and knocked into him and he lost his shit.  He called me disrespectful, said that I was always looking to cause him trouble and that I was constantly a problem for him.

Now, ask anyone who knows me, that’s hard to buy.  I love to have fun and 99% of the time I’m a happy person.

I also know the personal issues he’s been having in his life and how in most cases when a person is angry at you for nothing, it’s never about you.  It’s about them.

That night left me in tears and pain and I made the decision to terminate the remainder our our training sessions, and ultimately our friendship.
I refuse to have such toxic people in my life, even if at one time they tried to help.

I communicated this to him the next day and of course he was defensive.  After bringing up multiple examples of how his actions and words were hurtful towards me over the past month, he refused to take responsibility so we went our separate ways.

I was hurt and sad and felt like I had lost one of my best friends, but you know what? My mental health and sanity is just as important as my physical health.

It turns out he helped me lose 25 lbs in 60 days and for that I’m grateful.  It was a great kickstart to my journey to get in better shape and I continue to work out on my own.

I tell ya what…the lessons we learn in life are something else! People come into it for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Looking back, I think Mr. Bodybuilder was here for two reasons:

1.) to help me start my weight loss journey and remember what strength I have inside me as a former athlete, and
2.) to remind me that I have the power to choose who I want around me – good or bad.

It’s been 2 months since that last night at the gym and my life has improved significantly.  In fact, I ended up removing 3 people in total from my life who I thought were friends but really weren’t healthy for me to be around.  I’m in a much better place now. 🙂

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UpDATE: Mr. Bodybuilder

Life hasn’t slowed down any but I wanted to share a quick update on recent shenanigans!

If you recall in my last blog about meeting a hunky man of muscles and fitness last September, you’ll remember me saying that I don’t workout and that over the years since playing sports in school I had gotten out of shape.  In that blog from September, I had no intentions of changing any of that and felt really confident in my skin regardless.

Well who would thunk it – I’m 8 weeks into a 3-month long personal training package with none other than Mr. Bodybuilder.  And I’m rockin’ it!

Yep.

I joined Gold’s Gym in Venice, CA.

“The Mecca of Bodybuilding.”

(There’s even a huge sign that says that hanging on the building outside.  In case I needed a reminder and couldn’t get it by watching dudes and chicks with massive muscles piling in through the doors 24/7.)

image

It was my choice.  My idea.

Mr. Bodybuilder just promised a safe and fun (and educational) way to get back in shape.

And guess what?

I LOVE IT and we have SO MUCH FUN.

So this might seem like the typical story where a personal trainer guy is sleeping with his client who he met on a dating site and now trains her, but nope.

We’re no longer dating.  After 3 months from that initial date, I had decided over time that he wasn’t the guy for me. I had to let him down, despite his constant efforts to try and show me how we would be amazing together. 

We were too different and as much fun as we had together, we clashed just as much.

It’d take me hours to fill you in on what our dynamic is like, but for now, just know Mr. Bodybuilder is still a major part of my life.

We’re also in a similar place. We both aren’t interested in dating anyone now and are taking time to work on ourselves individually.

But – I’m pretty sure I love him.

For so many reasons, and on many different levels.

But not the dreamy, starry-eyed, infatuation kind of romantic love.

The kind of love that is recognized and developed only after having gone through something challenging together, realizing that the other person not only stays through the tough parts but draws you closer to them and loves you even harder despite the obstacles you’re facing (ie – for me, it’s conquering weight loss and changing my lifestyle to a completely different one with healthy food and exercise).

This man has seen me cry, get super frustrated, sad, lonely, discouraged and more.

In a world where I keep it together 99% of the time and have no reason to really ever get upset, he sees me crack.

He’s heard me cuss him out, has watched me walk out of 2 different sessions with him in the gym because I was feeling embarrassed or defeated and he always, ALWAYS gives me my space then comes after me to console, uplift and get me back on track.

He’s amazing.

And I’m special to him. Still.

When I’m not upset or frustrated at myself or struggling in the gym, I’m laughing, smiling, and flirting with him in between sets. And there’s way more of that stuff going on than the emotional stuff.  Thank God.

We have the most fun out of anyone in that gym, I swear.

And our lives together still exist outside of the gym.  We grab lunch together, he comes to my office with his very adorable American Bulldog, and we sometimes hang out on the weekends.

I see him about 8x a week because I live in the gym now and typically go workout in the am before work and then see him 4x a week in the evenings for our personal training sessions. He’s there a lot, either working out himself or training other clients.

When we’re not at the gym, we’re on WhatsApp sharing voice notes (he has the MOST sexy voice, people), progress pictures,  silly memes or texts about our day and the goings-on in our lives.

We’re super close. It’s like we’re married, minus the sex. Weird, but we both are content with what it is right now.

So, this story isn’t over.

I’m sure the best is yet to come…whatever that may be. 🙂

Help me out here! Vote below on what I should do tonight…

So if you recall my last blog, I shared stories of 3 different guys who were more flaky than a dandruff commercial.  And I predicted that one would pop back up.

Guess who just popped back up?! The guy in the middle of the flaky-sandwich-story. Guy #2 if you go back and read.

Of COURSE he’s sorry, said he lost his phone, needed a break anyway (from life??) and just got it back (it’s been about a month), and OF COURSE he wants to see me.  Tonight.

After reading him the riot act about how he literally blew me off (again) and how that made me upset (who wouldn’t be?), he apologizes and says:

“Baby let’s focus on the present and future now…”

“I apologize my love and I’m truly sorry.  I will make it up to you.  Tonight when I see you…”

SO.  I haven’t responded yet and need your advice on what to do.  Tonight is the only night I have open all week, actually.

Let me know what you think!

(And a little history on this guy in case you didn’t read the backstory: We had our first date several months ago.  I had pain on our date but ignored it.  Next day I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery.  He tried to bring me flowers but wasn’t allowed b/c his name wasn’t on the list.  He reached out during my recovery which was sweet and then eventually made plans when I was better, which he bailed on.  Twice.  And now he’s back.  Still interested.)

When nothing’s going right, go left.

Hi faithful Shenanigans followers and newbies to the blog!

It seems I have a problem keeping you all updated frequently. A real problem.

And it’s not for lack of stories.  Much, much, MUCH has been going on in the dating life of this 30-something woman living life in Los Angeles. And life is super busy.

The last thing on my mind has been to put some effort into writing down my stories, and I’ve realized:

1. I’m on a computer and my phone all day at work.
2.  All day long I get paid to talk about dating and relationships.
3.  At the end of the day when I finally have free time, the last thing I want to do is get on my computer or phone and talk about dating and relationships. Especially my own.

But that’s a pretty common (sad) excuse that makes me sound like an uber-lazy blogger, so I decided to dig deeper.

I actually love to write, and I love that you all love to read these stories.

So what’s the deal? Why am I leaving ya’ll hanging on the hook?

And THEN, I realized:

1. I’m (still) super paranoid that one of the guys will find out about this blog and I’ll feel like I betrayed them by sharing stories…even though no names are shared, not even mine.

2. I’m tired of the broken record of “Welp, it didn’t work out with him, because…”

It’s probably more this second reason that brings my heart to a halt.

It’s exhausting sometimes. The odds are not good here.

And even though there are MANY happy times and highlights along this glamorous journey of life and being single in the city, it’s tough, too.

Now, granted, I of all people understand that finding the love of your life doesn’t happen overnight.  Heck, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve written that to someone in the trenches of dating I’d be able to retire.

Or at least buy you all a steak dinner.

So I know that meeting a lot of guys until I find that “keeper” is par for the course.

Fine.  I’m cool with that.

Just sometimes I wish I could telepathically share the juicy scenarios, sexy escapades and even the boring mundaneness (is that a word?) with you. Instead of crafting a well thought-out blog. 🙂

Make sense?

Ok, enough whining.  Please accept my apology and we’ll move right along so I can address the title of this blog post…

When nothing’s going right, go left.

After 2 weeks of guy after guy flaking on me, I had put my foot down (instead of shoving it up someone’s very rude, unaware, narcissistic ass).

Trust me. Much better option.  Keep reading.

Typically guys don’t flake on me, and I never let it get to the point of me sitting alone at a restaurant but something has been in the water lately.  A lot of them seem to have no respect for my time.

See, I’m a planner. I like to know what time and where we’re meeting up.

I’m not a control freak,  though.  Mind you, I didn’t say I need a minute-by-minute itinerary that needs to be approved first before I accept your invitation.

No, I’m just talking about getting the basic details so I can plan accordingly.  For example,

“Dinner. Thursday night. 7:30pm. I’m coming from work so let’s just meet at the restaurant.”

That isn’t difficult, is it?

No. No, my friends.  That’s not difficult.

But I swear it’s been like pulling teeth to get guys here lately to make a plan. Gah!

#drivesmecrazy

Here’s what I get (via text or message) after we’ve exchanged several messages and have figured we’re both attracted to each other and want to meet up:

“Yeah we should definitely meet up sometime soon.  I know a great margarita place in the middle of the two of us.”

Me: “Yeah, that’d be great…!”

And then….

Crickets.

Wth?!

Hours pass.  Days pass.

Oh, wait.  A text: “Hello beautiful!”

Smh.

Ummmm….you see?

Now, he obviously did want to see me. He knew we both like margaritas and that we both live in two different towns.  So he made the effort to put those two thoughts together and come up with a place, yet he mentions no time. No specifics.  No name of the restaurant.  No asking.

So I get frustrated and figure he’s busy and/or not that interested.  If he was, he’d reach out and MAKE A PLAN.

Am I being unreasonable? This is basic Dating 101, yes?

I dunno, guys.

Here’s another example that also happened recently:

He’d been trying to see me for a second date for a good 6-8 weeks now.  Our first date was the night before I ended up the next day in the hospital for emergency surgery, so with the recovery time added up, I wasn’t really available. But he was persistent and kept in touch.

Fast forward, I was all better and back to single and mingling so I reached back out to let him know I was good to go and wanted to see him again, too.

He’s excited and so he eventually asks if I’m available that Friday.

Yes, I am!

Great!

I let him know I’d love to know the details of what time and where we’d meet.  He says he’ll let me know.

And then hours pass. And then days.

And before you know it, it’s Thursday.  So I reach out to him to see if we’re still on.

He lets me know that we’ll do dinner at 8pm and sends me an address of a restaurant.

Yay! Progress.

So it’s Friday and I reach out to confirm during the day.

No answer.

As I’m leaving work at 6:30p to head home,  he texts:

“I have a meeting I’m about to go into.  Won’t make dinner. Can you still meet at 10pm or 11pm?”

I’m almost crashed my car.

NO, #&% $?! I CAN NOT DO DINNER AT 11PM. ARE YOU CRAZY?!

What kind of date is that?!

I waited until I arrived home to respond:

“No. Thanks for letting me know.”

He senses I’m pissed. He doesn’t know that I turned down dinner plans earlier in the week with someone else because we had plans already.

“Babe, don’t be mad.  I have to work on Fridays…”

Me: “Then why the hell did you schedule a dinner date when you knew you had to work?”

(No response)

Smh.

The story gets worse because he actually reached out the next week and the SAME thing happened, but probably worse.

He’s in the white. I’m green:

image

And he NEVER RESPONDED.

I haven’t heard from him since, actually. And Lord knows I’m just waiting for him to pop back up like everything is all good. Ha!

Smh.

But THIS ONE…this last example. ..is the one that really takes the cake.

So those of you who I’m friends with on Facebook may recall a picture of me all giddy and dolled up a few weeks back. I had snuck a selfie while on a date with a Facebook Software Engineer.

My Prince Charming.

Successful, fun, brilliant, charming, French, and only drank Voss and Veuve Clicquot.

Needless to say, we had a VERY fun weekend together, basking in the sun of Laguna Beach as we got to know each other better.

A few failed attempts to make dinner plans that next week due to busy work schedules and us living pretty far apart (like, a good 2 hrs in traffic), we finally lock down a time on Thursday.

He asks me to pick a place and make 7:30pm reservations.

Reservations?!

Dang. No one makes reservations in LA unless you’re serious and going somewhere nice.

So I’m excited. There’s commitment there.

It’s finally Thursday at 6p and he calls to let me know he just got out of a meeting…

“How’s traffic?” he asks.

“I just checked. You’re good actually.  You’ll even make it before our 7:30pm reservations…”

Him: “Are you sure? Oh, ok…well..ok…I’ll be on my way then…”

Me, sensing hesitancy: “Yeah?….ok….”

Him: “Yeah…I’ll see you in a bit.”

We hang up and it sounds good! I’m more excited now.

So some time passes and I text him to check on the traffic.

No response.

Hmm, that’s strange. He usually responds.

So I call him.  After all, he’s driving.

No response.

Hmmmm…

I wait awhile longer and notice the clock ticking away toward 7:00pm, and then eventually…it’s 7:15pm.

I’m at home, still in my dress and heels I had worn to work that day. Waiting.

Now, I’m nervous and slightly agitated.

So I call him again, and…

NO RESPONSE!

WTH?!

I send one more text at 7:20pm letting him know I was going to have to call the restaurant to cancel our table.

Stillll. No. Response.

At 7:20pm I dial the fancy French restaurant and cancel the reservation with MY name on it.  I feel like a shmuck.

I lie and tell them we got stuck in traffic. They’re sorry we won’t be able to make it.

Yeah. Me, too.

And then I hang up, change clothes, and storm out of my place.  I go on a very fast-paced walk. To a pizza place that has wine.

And I drink and eat pizza and stew.

SMH.

WHO DOES THAT?!

Who literally says “I’ll see you in a bit” and then never even shows up, let alone texts or calls to let you know they can’t make it.

And here’s the kicker:

We met on Plenty of Fish. Every time your matches log in to check a message or what have you, it says, “Online now” under their picture.

While I aggressively chew my pizza, I log into POF.

Guess who was “online?”

Yep. Mr. Jackass.

I was furious.

Not only did he blow me off and totally flake on me, he’s talking to other women when we had plans at that exact moment.

The next morning I send a furious text of “Care to explain yourself???”

He replies, “Yes. I’ll call you later.”

He NEVER calls. Big shock, I know.

But the CRAY CRAY part is that about 3 days later he sends me a text on Saturday AM that says, “Good morning, beautiful. (insert cheesy smiley face here)”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!

So, ladies and gentlemen.

When nothing’s going right, go left.

That weekend I deleted all of my dating profiles (besides eHarmony) and threw up my hands.

The audacity and total lack of respect for my time and effort in really wanting to get to know someone has not been equally matched.

I’m no longer interested in meeting people who I can’t tell right away if they’re serious about meeting and have some decent sense of character and integrity.

Lord, help me.

#dropsmic

When nothing’s going right, go left.

Hi faithful Shenanigans followers and newbies to the blog!

It seems I have a problem keeping you all updated frequently. A real problem.

And it’s not for lack of stories.  Much, much, MUCH has been going on in the dating life of this 30-something woman living life in Los Angeles. And life is super busy.

The last thing on my mind has been to put some effort into writing down my stories, and I’ve realized:

1. I’m on a computer and my phone all day at work.
2.  All day long I get paid to talk about dating and relationships.
3.  At the end of the day when I finally have free time, the last thing I want to do is get on my computer or phone and talk about dating and relationships. Especially my own.

But that’s a pretty common (sad) excuse that makes me sound like an uber-lazy blogger, so I decided to dig deeper.

I actually love to write, and I love that you all love to read these stories.

So what’s the deal? Why am I leaving ya’ll hanging on the hook?

And THEN, I realized:

1. I’m (still) super paranoid that one of the guys will find out about this blog and I’ll feel like I betrayed them by sharing stories…even though no names are shared, not even mine.

2. I’m tired of the broken record of “Welp, it didn’t work out with him, because…”

It’s probably more this second reason that brings my heart to a hult.

It’s exhausting sometimes. The odds are not good here. 

And even though there are MANY happy times and highlights along this glamorous journey of life and being single in the city, it’s tough, too.

Now, granted, I of all people understand that finding the love of your life doesn’t happen overnight.  Heck, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve written that to someone in the trenches of dating I’d be able to retire.

Or at least buy you all a steak dinner.

So I know that meeting a lot of guys until I find that “keeper” is par for the course.

Fine.  I’m cool with that.

Just sometimes I wish I could telepathically share the juicy scenarios, sexy escapades and even the boring mundaneness (is that a word?) with you. Instead of crafting a well thought-out blog. 🙂

Make sense?

Ok, enough whining.  Please accept my apology and we’ll move right along so I can address the title of this blog post…

When nothing’s going right, go left.

After 2 weeks of guy after guy flaking on me, I had put my foot down (instead of shoving it up someone’s very rude, unaware, narcissistic ass). 

Trust me. Much better option.  Keep reading.

Typically guys don’t flake on me, and I never let it get to the point of me sitting alone at a restaurant but something has been in the water lately.  A lot of them seem to have no respect for my time.

See, I’m a planner. I like to know what time and where we’re meeting up.

I’m not a control freak,  though.  Mind you, I didn’t say I need a minute-by-minute itinerary that needs to be approved first before I accept your invitation.

No, I’m just talking about getting the basic details so I can plan accordingly.  For example,

“Dinner. Thursday night. 7:30pm. I’m coming from work so let’s just meet at the restaurant.”

That isn’t difficult, is it?

No. No, my friends.  That’s not difficult.

But I swear it’s been like pulling teeth to get guys here lately to make a plan. Gah!

#drivesmecrazy

Here’s what I get (via text or message) after we’ve exchanged several messages and have figured we’re both attracted to each other and want to meet up:

“Yeah we should definitely meet up sometime soon.  I know a great margarita place in the middle of the two of us.”

Me: “Yeah, that’d be great…!”

And then….

Crickets.

Wth?!

Hours pass.  Days pass.

Oh, wait.  A text: “Hello beautiful!”

Smh.

Ummmm….you see?

Now, he obviously did want to see me. He knew we both like margaritas and that we both live in two different towns.  So he made the effort to put those two thoughts together and come up with a place, yet he mentions no time. No specifics.  No name of the restaurant.  No asking.

So I get frustrated and figure he’s busy and/or not that interested.  If he was, he’d reach out and MAKE A PLAN.

Am I being unreasonable? This is basic Dating 101, yes?

I dunno, guys.

Here’s another example that also happened recently:

He’d been trying to see me for a second date for a good 6-8 weeks now.  Our first date was the night before I ended up the next day in the hospital for emergency surgery, so with the recovery time added up, I wasn’t really available. But he was persistent and kept in touch.

Fast forward, I was all better and back to single and mingling so I reached back out to let him know I was good to go and wanted to see him again, too.

He’s excited and so he eventually asks if I’m available that Friday.

Yes, I am!

Great!

I let him know I’d love to know the details of what time and where we’d meet.  He says he’ll let me know.

And then hours pass. And then days.

And before you know it, it’s Thursday.  So I reach out to him to see if we’re still on.

He lets me know that we’ll do dinner at 8pm and sends me an address of a restaurant.

Yay! Progress.

So it’s Friday and I reach out to confirm during the day.

No answer.

As I’m leaving work at 6:30p to head home,  he texts:

“I have a meeting I’m about to go into.  Won’t make dinner. Can you still meet at 10pm or 11pm?”

I’m almost crashed my car.

NO, #&% $?! I CAN NOT DO DINNER AT 11PM. ARE YOU CRAZY?!

What kind of date is that?!

I waited until I arrived home to respond:

“No. Thanks for letting me know.”

He senses I’m pissed. He doesn’t know that I turned down dinner plans earlier in the week with someone else because we had plans already.

“Babe, don’t be mad.  I have to work on Fridays…”

Me: “Then why the hell did you schedule a dinner date when you knew you had to work?”

(No response)

Smh.

The story gets worse because he actually reached out the next week and the SAME thing happened, but probably worse.

He’s in the white. I’m green:

image

And he NEVER RESPONDED.

I haven’t heard from him since, actually. And Lord knows I’m just waiting for him to pop back up like everything is all good. Ha!

Smh.

But THIS ONE…this last example. ..is the one that really takes the cake.

So those of you who I’m friends with on Facebook may recall a picture of me all giddy and dolled up a few weeks back. I had snuck a selfie while on a date with a Facebook Software Engineer.

My Prince Charming.

Successful, fun, brilliant, charming, French, and only drank Voss and Veuve Clicquot.

Needless to say, we had a VERY fun weekend together, basking in the sun of Laguna Beach as we got to know each other better.

A few failed attempts to make dinner plans that next week due to busy work schedules and us living pretty far apart (like, a good 2 hrs in traffic), we finally lock down a time on Thursday.

He asks me to pick a place and make 7:30pm reservations.

Reservations?!

Dang. No one makes reservations in LA unless you’re serious and going somewhere nice.

So I’m excited. There’s commitment there.

It’s finally Thursday at 6p and he calls to let me know he just got out of a meeting…

“How’s traffic?” he asks.

“I just checked. You’re good actually.  You’ll even make it before our 7:30pm reservations…”

Him: “Are you sure? Oh, ok…well..ok…I’ll be on my way then…”

Me, sensing hesitancy: “Yeah?….ok….”

Him: “Yeah…I’ll see you in a bit.”

We hang up and it sounds good! I’m more excited now.

So some time passes and I text him to check on the traffic.

No response.

Hmm, that’s strange. He usually responds.

So I call him.  After all, he’s driving.

No response.

Hmmmm…

I wait awhile longer and notice the clock ticking away toward 7:00pm, and then eventually…it’s 7:15pm.

I’m at home, still in my dress and heels I had worn to work that day. Waiting.

Now, I’m nervous and slightly agitated.

So I call him again, and…

NO RESPONSE!

WTH?!

I send one more text at 7:20pm letting him know I was going to have to call the restaurant to cancel our table.

Stillll. No. Response.

At 7:20pm I dial the fancy French restaurant and cancel the reservation with MY name on it.  I feel like a shmuck.

I lie and tell them we got stuck in traffic. They’re sorry we won’t be able to make it.

Yeah. Me, too.

And then I hang up, change clothes, and storm out of my place.  I go on a very fast-paced walk. To a pizza place that has wine.

And I drink and eat pizza and stew.

SMH.

WHO DOES THAT?!

Who literally says “I’ll see you in a bit” and then never even shows up, let alone texts or calls to let you know they can’t make it.

And here’s the kicker:

We met on Plenty of Fish. Every time your matches log in to check a message or what have you, it says, “Online now” under their picture.

While I aggressively chew my pizza, I log into POF.

Guess who was “online?”

Yep. Mr. Jackass.

I was furious.

Not only did he blow me off and totally flake on me, he’s talking to other women when we had plans at that exact moment.

So, ladies and gentlemen.

When nothing’s going right, go left.

That weekend I deleted all of my dating profiles (besides eHarmony) and threw up my hands.

The audacity and total lack of respect for my time and effort in really wanting to get to know someone has not been equally matched.

I’m no longer interested in meeting people who I can’t tell right away if they’re serious about meeting and have some decent sense of character and integrity.

Lord, help me.

#dropsmic

She shoots…she SCORES! Well, no, actually.

This morning I cancelled a first date I had scheduled for tonight.  I rarely do that, but I’m not feeling good. 

More importantly, I had just found out he lives 43 miles away from me (which could be a 2+ hr drive in LA traffic and a deal breaker for me). Sorry, Charlie. There’s tons of other dudes who live closer.

After he gives me several reasons to NOT cancel and questions my decision, I tell him for the umpteenth time it’s not going to work.  Then he hits me with this:

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Dang.  I’m not a die-hard Lakers fan (actually I root for the other team in town) but you won’t ever see me turn down an opportunity to go to an NBA game, no matter who’s playing.

Except in times like this.

Where I continually prove I’m neither:

A.) A goldigger, or
B.) Settling for just anyone, even if you try to bribe me with amazing Lakers tix

Ugh. Dignity and clarity in tact, the shenanigans roll on.

UpDATE: A new guy: The Bodybuilder

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They call Gold’s Gym in Venice, CA “the Mecca” of bodybuilding.  It’s where all of the muscleheads have beefed up and trained for bodybuilding competitions and where the Mr. Olympia(s) call home. It’s world famous.

Even though it’s pretty close to me, I’ve never stepped one foot in there, and for good reason:

I am not a bodybuilder.

Or a gym rat.

Or an exercise fiend.

Or even a 3-days-a-week, simple workout, eat healthy, “kale is my favorite,” type of female.

Not even close.

In fact, I’m in the worst shape of my life.

Now as a former college athlete, this doesn’t make me proud and I have intentions of dropping some lbs just like 98% of everybody else I know, but damn. We can’t all have everything perfect in life at once, now can we? I have a rewarding career, amazing friends, a close family, and a blog I need to write…so one thing at a time. 🙂

That being said, I have NO PROBLEM getting attention from men and have a very active dating life. Weight has never been an issue in me attracting what I want, no matter what size I happen to be.

Which always makes me CHUCKLE because I live in Los Angeles – the city of beautiful people with perfect bodies. 

And there are beautiful people EVERYWHERE. Drop-dead gorgeous men and women whenever you step outdoors.

You’d think you have to be “one of them” to fit in the circle but that’s simply not true.  Confidence is key.

Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve been with my fair share of men who are in impeccable shape.  In fact I was seriously dating a celebrity trainer for awhile and we never once worked out together, nor did he mention it or suggest it to me ever during our relationship. We had a blast together.

(Well, I was getting in a lot of cardio, I suppose…

And what a lovely flashback of those muscles! Mmm!)

Anyway. I digress. Sorry. #distracted

So it didn’t realllyyyy surprise me when a personal trainer on OkCupid hit me up about a week ago.

Turns out he was intrigued after reading my profile and wanted my number.

So after a few messages back and forth, and me making sure he wasn’t trying to sell me a package of 10 sessions, we exchange digits.

He actually calls me (something a lot of guys avoid bc they’d rather text) and we spend hours on the phone over the next several days.

He’s very interesting. And he’s funny. And smart!

He asks me out on a date and tells me to meet him in the parking lot of Gold’s Gym in Venice.  This is only about 10 mins from my place so it’s perfect for a Friday night. No traffic to deal with! 

The plan is to take me to “First Fridays,” which is where food trucks line up on the famous street, Abbot Kinney, in Venice.

Near Gold’s Gym.

Which I have never been to.

Cuz I don’t workout.

(Just to re-cap.)

He says he trains there and has his last client done by 8pm.

As I arrived, I saw the most buff humans I’ve ever seen entering this place.

Their muscles had muscles!

One chick was going in with her man. He was huuuuuge, but her arms were serious weapons, too. Biggest guns I’ve seen. 

Not cute, in my opinion, but I just smiled as me and my curves got out of the car to go greet my date.  He was outside and saw me park.

He greets me with a big hug and kiss on the cheek. He’s taller than me! Yay!

Great smile. Great voice. Great arms. Great chest.

We walk to a favorite bar and restaurant of his nearby.

I learn he’s been a trainer at Gold’s Gym in Venice for 20 years.

20 years!!! That’s a lot of sweat equity! #badpun #couldnthelpit

I also learn that he’s known for a particular kind of work with clients.

He tells me and I’m not ready to hear this.

Do you wanna know?

Drumroll…

Yes, folks, this man trains women to compete in fitness and bikini competitions!

GOOD GOD.

Now.  It’s one thing to know there are beautiful people everywhere you look in LA, but it’s another to be surrounded by those whose GOAL in life is to have every square inch perfectly sculpted.

I think my ankles might qualify. Or maybe my wrists. I have pretty awesome wrists.

He takes out his phone to show me before/after pics of some of his clients.  None of them were large to begin with.

If I wasn’t enjoying the perfect martini he had instructed the bartender to make for me, I might have thrown up in my mouth a little.

I continue to look at the pics with him.

Shit.

This is a whole other level.

Luckily, I remain my cool, calm and collected self and tell him how amazing they all look (cuz they do) and how great of a coach he is (cuz he knows his stuff).

He also tells me he used to be a bodybuilder, too. For years.

Perfect. Of course he did.

Now at this point you’re probably thinking WTH?! Why is this guy interested? I aspire to look like his client’s “before” pics!

And that, folks, is the mystery of my dating life in LA.

WHO THE HECK KNOWS!

Considering that first date lasted 6 hours long as we talked and laughed and flirted our way through the night, all I can say is wow.

We ended up spending almost all day Sunday together, too, and we still constantly talk.

Who knows where this will go, but it’s fun figuring out if I see him as a potential match.

Who woulda thunk it.

LA is not as shallow as you might think.

And I’m living proof that looks aren’t everything, and self-confidence is sexier than any set of weights you’ve laid eyes on.

UpDATE: Mr. Birmingham. (Ugh!)

(There’s two other parts to this story of my Southern Gentleman Caller and myself.  Get caught up here for the first one and here for the second part.)

After very, very brief texts since we had last seen each other (and our first amazing date), I was feeling frustrated because he hadn’t yet nailed down any plans for the upcoming weekend.

We had tentatively said we’d get together this weekend. He was getting really busy with shipments of his things arriving to his hotel, and was still working with realtors to find a house.

But he was interested in seeing me this weekend, as opposed to a day during the week while all this was going on.

First, there is one thing about me you must understand:

I don’t chase.

I expect my experiences to contain more of the traditional type of courting and dating where a man pursues a woman.

Yes, that’s hard to find in 2014, and even more rare to see in such an ambitous city as Los Angeles.

However, I do my part to help things along the way if I see a great opportunity, but in general, I subscribe to the rule that if a guy is interested in you, he’ll make that clear.

He’ll call. He’ll plan. He’ll communicate.

Now granted, some guys have those intentions but are truly busy and/or they don’t have a clue on how to be more forward. Communication is key here.

So Wednesday passes, Thursday passes, and it’s Friday night.

We had touched base on Thursday – his cars had arrived! Yay.

But I had heard NOTHING else since then, and got his voicemail the few times I tried to call. Boo.

Finally, Saturday afternoon (after a very fun day with a good friend of mine), I give him a call.

No answer. Surprise, surprise.

So I send this text, to which he immediately replies:

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I respond and let him know I was disappointed in his level of communication and how I deserved at the very least basics.

I also said that I totally understand how he could be so overwhelmed, having just moved across the country, and quietly was skeptical about whether or not he would be able to give me what I’m looking for right now anyways.

The conversation went back and forth a few times. I told him to keep my number, that I’m talking to and seeing other people, but nothing’s too serious and I’m not in a hurry.

So there you have it.

And now I can scream….

WHAT THE HELL?! ARE THERE ABSOLUTELY NO SINGLE MEN IN LA THAT I CONNECT WITH WHO WANT THE SAME THINGS AS ME AND ARE READY RIGHT NOW?! F#×%*!

#rantover

UpDATE: Meet Mr. Birmingham – Part Two

(If you haven’t read Part One, click here)

As we’re seated in the fancy lounge area on a comfy couch made of velvet, a waitress approaches us and leaves us the cocktail menu. 

The room is occupied by tourists speaking other languages, families that look like they just walked off of a Ralph Lauren Ad, a group of friends, another group of older, wealthy couples, and people on dates.

Several times I catch people sitting nearby staring at us, and I can’t figure out if they’re trying to figure out who we are or what.  Celebrities frequent this hotel, so perhaps the out-of-towners are curious.  This does happen frequently to me, however, and just the other night at a charity event someone asked if I was on TV.  Hmmm.  Anyways…

It’s definitely “First Date Jitters” happening, and we’re both a bit nervous, as expected.  We make small talk, and he orders us both some wine when she returns.

He asks great questions and we continue to find out that we have even more in common.  Some quite interesting things pop up.

He asks, “Where’s the #1 place you want to travel to in the world?”

Without hesitation, I respond with confidence, “Dubai! I’ve been obsessed for years.”

He’s SHOCKED because he admits that’s the #1 place he has on his list! Weird.

We learn that he we both play piano, and played percussion in band during high school.

I learn that he was very involved in mentoring kids in schools back home in Alabama, that he was a season ticket holder to the Atlanta Hawks, and that he has three older sisters who he’s very close to.

He was married for 12 years, but divorced back in 2010.  I learn that she had a small town mentality, which is fine, but not when she knew he was meant for bigger things and therefore tried to hold him back.

We can definitely relate on this one.

He tells me he thinks I’m amazing, and up until that moment, didn’t think I was real.

“Real??” I ask.  “I’m real and sitting right here in front of you!”

He admits to deleting his OkCupid profile earlier that morning, and hoped that meeting me tonight would actually happen.  I guess something about my profile and pics was “too good to be true.” 🙂

We chat for a long time about life and his move to Los Angeles and why this all happened for him.

Typically, everyone who moves here has a dream they’re pursuing.  This guy has quite the story already.

He’s an engineer who works remotely from home.  He has two major clients (think big govt contracts) which pay him very well, however his heart is in being a writer.

He decided to give it a shot awhile ago and ended up being hired by a magazine to write for them.  They loved his stuff and that lead to him being put in contact with CAA – one of the world’s largest agent/manager companies that represents top talent in the entertainment industry.

Apparently, he had written two screenplays (aka – movie scripts) that these guys really loved and made him an offer to come work for them.

They flew HIM out to Los Angeles and put him up until he finds a place to live.  As of that day we met, he had just signed on with an Agent at CAA.  Amazing! He’s already off to a great start, and has accomplished something most people in LA work towards their whole life and never see come to fruition.

I’m totally impressed, and loving how ambitious this guy is.

We talk about our families and other things we like to do for fun, and then it’s getting late for him because he’s still on CST and hasn’t adjusted.

He pays for the bill and we head towards valet to pick up my/his car.

As I pull up to his hotel to drop him off, he mentions I should come hang out with him some more.  A bit surprised because I thought he was tired, I agree and am happy because I really didn’t want the night to end so soon.

He’s still quite the gentleman and kind of distant physically, so I’m feeling comfortable with that.  Definitely not affectionate.  I get the sense he’d still like to continue the great conversation.

We take the elevators up to his room.

We enter and after I set my purse down on the desk, make my way over to the balcony outside.  He opens the door and we step out onto his balcony, with the most amazing view! We’re right in the middle of the hotel and can view beautiful fountains across the way, and the glorious CAA glass office building right across the street where hours earlier he shook hands with several gentlemen and struck a deal with his future.

We both love nice cars and he points out this ridiculous Range Rover parked outside, below the hotel in valet.  He had told me he heard it earlier and that it must have a custom V12 engine in it – it sounded like a Lamborghini, he said! Crazy.  And definitely a sick car.

We stay out on the balcony for awhile longer.  The conversation is so easy and comfortable.

We come back inside and since there’s no couch, we both make our way to the bed.  I see a magazine he’s picked up that says, “The Top 25 Things to Do in Los Angeles” and instantly get excited.  Since I’ve told him I’d be happy to be his tour guide, I start flipping through it.

He’s laying on the very farrrrr edge of the bed, away from me.  It’s cute.  We’re like in Junior High, afraid to get too close to each other…lol.

He turns on the TV and we continue to talk, watch the show, flip through the magazine, etc.  We’re laughing and flirting a bit, and he’s still asking great questions here and there.

It’s super comfortable.  And the tension just melts away.

All of a sudden we hear a loud car engine start up outside the window.  We BOTH immediately jump off the bed and run to the balcony, saying, “THAT’S IT!!!!”

We laugh as we quickly open the patio door and sure enough, look down to see that new Range Rover with the V12 engine started up in valet.  We watch (and listen) as the guy who owns it drives off down the street below us.  The sound is ridiculous! (and one that I absolutely love)…

We both laugh at the fact that we immediately both jumped up and went to go look at the same time….lol.  Two peas in a pod.

The bed beckons again and we resume our positions, but this time a bit closer.

I’m finding awesome things we can go do in this magazine, and he’s excited about future plans I name off that sound interesting to him.

He’s back to watching TV and at one point I look at him and he’s watching me.

He asks, “If you could be anywhere, where would it be?”

I hesitate for a second, but only because the answer that immediately came to my head sounded so cheesy that I didn’t want to share it. But heck, I’m never one to lie and always believe in being authentic so I say,

“Right here, actually.”

He smiles.  I smile and look back down at my magazine, a little nervous.

“Really?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “And I only say that because I believe there’s no other place I’m supposed to be other than right here right now.”

He agrees that this feels nice and definitely comfortable, and I wonder if all this time of being single and dating I’ve just been waiting for a guy from Birmingham, Alabama to finally get to Los Angeles…

 

 

Let the Shenanigans Begin. (Again.) An Update For You – Summer 2014

For those of you new to my dating blog, welcome! Start from the first post and work your way back to here.  You’ll be more entertained and filled-in on the cast of characters. 🙂

To my loyal readers (Hi! I love you guys), three things happened since the last post:

1.  I turned 34.  Yay! Or, not.  But either way, I now need to update my blog’s subtitle to more accurately say, “The journey of a 34-year-old’s dating escapades in Los Angeles.”

2.  After a 2 month break, Shenanigans Mode has been switched to “ON” again.

Not only am I searching for the heart of a really awesome guy, I make sure to KEEP the heart of one already awesome little gentleman, my son.  As a divorced single mom who shares custody with my ex-husband, my time spent with him is super important.  When he’s with me (ie – when school’s out….for example, summer time…) the focus is on him.  Shenanigans get put on hold. 

Now that he’s spending the rest of the summer with his dad, the shenanigans are back and in full swing.
Kudos to the few guys who managed to sneak in a few text messages back and forth, who swiped right with me on Tinder when I had two free minutes here and there, and who were super patient while I told them I wasn’t available for a few months.  More on those new players in a sec.  And, yes, I just said Tinder.  #newdatingapp #shenanigansINDEED

3.  Things happened with The Doc aka “My One-Sided Soulmate.”

In fact, they happened in May, several months ago.  Pretty interesting things and while no titles or labels have been placed on us, there were significant things said between the two of us.  I started blogging about it back then and still have most of the juicy details from a night in May when I ended up bringing a bottle of wine to his place on a Saturday night after my OKCupid date cancelled on me.  Perhaps I’ll share, perhaps I’ll just give you guys an overview in a separate post.  Not sure yet.

Regardless, he’s STILL in the picture.  Not the we-just-bought-a-house-together-in-Belize picture with us swaying in a hammock sipping cocktails with little umbrellas picture, but still.  He’s here.  In fact, we have a date set for this Thursday night, and that’s a helluva lot closer to reality than the Caribbean fantasy.  For those of you who’ve followed our journey, you’re on pins and needles, I know.

So, I’ll wrap this brief ‘lil update up with one of the best lines I’ve heard in awhile.  From a Tinder guy I’ve yet to meet, but who has been patiently waiting and VERY excited to meet me:

(on our first phone call the other day)

Him: “Wow, we’re finally talking! You’re so….elusive.”

Me: “Elusive? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Him: “It’s a GREAT thing! The anticipation of getting to finally talk to you over the last few weeks while your son has been here has only created more excitement for me.”

Me: “Nice! Well, I’m flattered.”

Him: “Yes, it’s true.” (he pauses) “Do you know Cirque Du Soleil?”

Me: “Of course…”

Him: “That’s what it’s like.  Those are great, awesome shows to see.  The anticipation is crazy.  That’s what it’s been like for me, waiting to finally get to talk with you! But moreso…and now we’re here!”

Me: “Wow! Umm….thank you.  Well, here we are!”

We talked for over an hour and I have to say, I’m looking forward to learning more about this guy.  I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

So, the mode is switched back “ON” and away….we….GO!!!!!