As “Mr. Harvard” becomes a quick and distant memory and fades into the dark, other players on this stage of life are stepping into the spotlight. Auditions are currently being held…
And into the light comes a man who I’ll call Mr. Romeo, simply because of the way he’s been communicating with me so far online:
With actual WORDS! Multiple sentences! Long paragraphs, even.
A rare treat.
I’ll share excerpts below but first I must explain to you how TYPICAL communication goes on in the online dating space.
Boy sees girl’s profile. (And yes, “boys” can be in their 30s, 40s, even 50s).
He sends a message.
Usually it’s something along the lines of “Hey sexy” or “Hi beautiful. Howz your day” or my ultimate favorite: “hi.” Missing grammar and punctuation (and substance) and all.
Yes. That’s it. That’s the level of effort men usually put forth in their first message to a woman online.
Mind-blowing, I know. I understand the potential rejection, but am I really supposed to be intrigued by your simple message? It takes too much effort to string together a sentence or two? Noting something special you liked in my profile or pics? I never expect an essay but the guys completely stand out are the ones who write something extra. Big points.
Now, places like Tinder you expect this. Minimal effort in speaking is equal to the minimal effort it takes to make a profile:
Sync your profile with your Facebook, pull 1-5 pics and boom! You have a profile.
The people with SOME extra effort coursing through their bodies write a small bio, too.
Mine just has the following emojis: 💋🔥🏀🌴💟 Lost Angeles. Yay, Tinder!
So, par for the course. I don’t take Tinder seriously and as you may know, I’m using it mostly for research.
Then you have other dating sites like OKCupid or Plenty of Fish or eHarmony.
If you’re a new reader to my blog you’ll know that I try out many different sites, and stop, start or pause according to what’s going on with the auditions.
Right now I’m on Plenty of Fish (aka POF), Tinder and eHarmony.
It’s like the Goldilocks scale of online dating. Trying them all til you get one that’s juuuuust right.
For the reasons you can guess already by what I’ve shared in my communication preferences, you can imagine that eHarmony wins as far as receiving the more lengthy responses.
And in all my experiences with my eHarmony matches (they are selected for me through compatibility science and math formulas…I just can’t search their database), I’ve had pretty decent communication.
Most of them said more than “hi” but never went to the extent you’re about to get a taste of below!
To educate you a little further on the communication process on eHarmony (gee…do I work at a dating company, or what?), check this out.
eHarmony actually CREATED a multi step process to guide two matches through a lovely getting-to-know-you process. It’s called “Guided Communication” and starts you off with sending your match (or you receiving from them) 5 Quick Questions. A multiple choice kinda thing.
You exchange those suckers and then the next step is Makes or Breaks, a list of 10 things that you definitely want in a partner and 10 things that are deal breakers. Helpful.
Then it’s 3 open-ended questions called “Dig Deeper.” These are more tough. You have to actually think. Mr. Romeo sent me the freakin’ hardest questions!
1. Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you would have handled differently.
2. What was your longest relationship and why did it end?
3. What are 3 characteristics you have that I may find hard to deal with?
Well, GEEZ. That was hard! I definitely thought awhile before answering.
But I appreciated his real effort in getting to know me better so I answered them all and sent him back my answers and 3 similar questions that he answered.
Now we were at the final stage: Open Communication aka “eH Mail.”
This is where most other dating sites start you out but eH gets you there slower so you can bounce real quick if you come across too many red flags and don’t want to continue the conversation to email with a potential whack job.
So I send Mr. Romeo a nice, but brief, note that I’ve enjoyed getting to know him so far. I asked a few questions about something in his profile.
And this began the string of romantic and so well-written pieces of prose that I about lost my mind from anticipation each time a notification came through saying he’d written me.
Each note was like a book. Long, lengthy paragraphs. A BOOK compared to the nonsense of nothing’s the others would send me.
Out of respect for him, I won’t share our entire conversations. But outta respect for you, my faithful reader, I’m gonna give you some juicy stuff.
Well, more like romantical (my own word) sweet as honey, so good that Shakespeare is giving him the side eye cuz it’s that good kinda stuff.
Here’s some pieces of our exchanges:
“My Dearest (insert my name here),
The fire from your eyes seemed to greet me this morning and I would be lying if I did not admit that I have been carrying you with me as I go about my day. The inspiration that the look in your eyes alone can give has been breathtaking to behold. Thank you my young princess for adorning words of care and consideration for each word from you seems to warm my soul and leaves me wondering if these online connections can truly be real…”
“I am sitting here watching the Golden State Warriors game as I sip on a glass of pinot noir and I cannot help but think of your smile. I wonder how your laugh must lighten the load of a man and how your beautiful eyes must remove the burden of the world…your vivacious voice must sound like peace…”
Ok, ladies. Take a moment. Whew! (fans myself)
Gents. Take a note. Yes, you can watch the NBA Playoffs and still be Romeo.
Now. I’m not sure if every woman likes to receive such melt-worthy messages, but I’m gonna assume that the majority wouldn’t be mad if their man, or even a prospect of a man, came at them spitting this game.
With all this technology and devices and TV and entertainment and work and kids and life and cell phones and apps all around us 24/7, I think it’s an unbelievable gift to receive someone’s old school gesture of love letters.
There’s much more. He wrote me again yesterday another book, further answering my questions and in turn wanting to find out about how many siblings I have and what it was like to live on a farm, and telling me how amazing my parents must be to have raised such an amazing woman as myself.
Well, OK. Not so fast. I’m not dumb…lol. Not naive.
I knew this was so delicious to continue but I knew that I needed to hear his voice and move this to the phone. What if he sounds like Kermit or something?!
He doesn’t, thankfully, because after I expressed my desire that as much as I loved (LOVED) getting his well thought-out pieces of prose, we should exchange numbers.
He called me and we spoke and laughed and talked for 2 1/2 hours last night.
The next step is to meet IRL (in real life.) Next week sometime, at a wine bar he knows the owners of here in LA.
SO, folks. As I always say, I’m keeping an open mind. High hopes, low expectations. Who knows what will happen.
But in the meantime, I’m enjoying getting to know Mr. Romeo….Shakespeare’s protege.