I’m Frozen

Recently, I’ve been frozen. Very un-like me.

Not literally, but frozen.

Not because of the cold temperatures of the winter holiday season, or from the shock of 2017’s rollercoaster ride.

But nothing moves.

In between the usual dinners, outings, friends gatherings, airport pickups and dropoffs and driving to and fro in Los Angeles, there are so many frozen moments at home.

I want to nap all day. I want to sit in stillness. I binge Netflix in the cozy comfort of my warm recliner and cashmere blanket. These are things I never do.

I swipe right on Tinder. I scroll through the ‘Gram. I check my emails.

Clearing red notifications on FB without really reading, I take part but don’t engage.

I pass the time, but I’m frozen.

Like a lion waiting to pounce on its prey in the African safari. I’m waiting. And watching…

You see, I’ve learned who I am.

In my 37 years here so far, every time I’m about to do some epic shit, I freeze.

I don’t move physically but my brain….oh, my brain.

It’s running a marathon. Fighting a battle between love and fear.

And my heart….oh, my heart.

Screaming in whispers to take bigger leaps. To trust it and jump without a net. And to maybe…be the example of a net for others.

I’m frozen because I’m resisting. HARD.

Resisting the scale of what epic in my life could really look like if I played “full send,” as my son would say.

So I’ll take these last few days of the year and stay frozen.

Because, I see you, 2018. In every area of life – you’re mine.


Scrubs – “Fourth Date”

Fourth Date – March 2nd, 2017 (again, notice the importance of the month this happened in)

“Fourth Date”

Since our minds were blown after an epic and bewildering Third Date, full of serendipitous moments I’ve never experienced in dating before, the least you could say was that I was most definitely looking forward to this next one.

In addition, I couldn’t believe he had even kept his word and given me his address since he NEVER invites women he’s dating over to his house.  As the single father of two teenagers, he keeps his home life private and secure for their sake.  I knew as a single mom of a teenager, also, how special this invite was and I think we were both enjoying the surreal effects of our serendipity and wanted to keep it going.  We both agreed it was an ok move to make.

As I drove the half hour north to his gated neighborhood full of million dollar houses, I kept thinking to myself, “This is crazy….this is so weird…this is so cool…you’re about to meet his kids!…keep it together…keep it cool…”

He greets me with a hug and kiss in the driveway, both of us giddy and ready for the big reveal.

Did this guy REALLY have his Christmas tree up some 4 months after the holidays, too?!

We enter the great room and there it was.  Effing great.  OMG.
Shock and awe and something special.  We both stared and smiled and “Wow’ed” out loud that this was shared experience.

He smiled proudly.   I knew the feeling.


We moved on to the rest of the house as he gave me tour of every part of it.  The kitchen was magnificent.  The backyard faces a manmade lake.  His master bedroom suite was bigger than my entire apartment.  #ImNotMad

We head upstairs and introduces me to his daughter in her room, and his son who’d just arrived home from volleyball practice.  Awesome kids who were friendly and very polite to me.

We then said good night, retired to his suite and he locked the door for the first time, noting that was weird.  The smile on his face told me that it was ok, though.

We “watched” a movie on TV, mostly disrupted by amazing make-out sessions here and there on his SUPER comfy King-sized bed with cashmere blankets.

We laugh and joke and cuddle and kiss and then laugh and joke and cuddle and kiss.

There’s something so special about this man, and I felt 100% comfortable and dare say, loved, in his arms.  He wouldn’t let me go.

Several hours later, he remarked that he should get some sleep because he had early hours at the hospital in the morning.  I knew this amazing date had to end at some point.

He walked me out, but before I left I asked to snap a picture of the tree.  One more time.




Scrubs – “Third Date”

“Third Date” – February 25th, 2017 (note the month, for importance later)

It was our third date. After an amazing First Date, and then an amazing Best-Date-Of-My-Life Second Date, I was stoked to see him again and keep the flow moving as we explored and got to know each other.

He picked me up and we went on our way to the Third Street Promenade by the ocean to do some walking around, talking, shopping…you name it. Something easy and chill after a long day at the hospital, including another surgery. He had said he didn’t mind what we did as long as we were together.

I was more than happy this was the plan – you can learn a lot about a guy when shopping, right?

We arrive, park and start strolling hand-in-hand down the outdoor Promenade – several blocks long of amazing stores, restaurants and street performers. He’s hysterical as always and we’re laughing and having fun.

He asks if there’s any particular stores I want to go in and I say, “Not really. Just having fun looking.”

He spots a Superdry, a trendy Asian clothing store, and we go inside. He had been to the one in Japan and loved their style. He asked what my favorite color was (cobalt blue) and we perused the store, eventually buying a coat for his teenage daughter. Very cool Dad!

We walk next door to Sunglass Hut and he asks me to tell him what frames look good on him or not. I LOVE shopping with guys who appreciate style and he is clearly one of them. We learn that our favorite pair of shades we both own are Gucci; a fact that we like nice things every now and then yet still remain super real, down-to-earth good people.

We head next door to Champs, where I tell him my son and I buy matching shoes every year. He loves that idea and suggests we buy matching shoes, too. He’s a BIG shoe fan and was rocking the brand new Kevin Durant’s in red to match his G-Star Raw sweatsuit. Clean. We window shop a few pairs. It’s too early for all that matchy stuff so I didn’t really press the issue but we just had fun looking around. He picked up a pair of Jordan’s and said he scored 40 points in one game wearing those. Swoon. He picked up another pair and recalled a sick alley-oop backwards dunk he made wearing those. Double swoon. Who is this guy?! A baller, which I later verified by finding his basketball league’s Facebook page that had many pics of him hooping it up, sans scrubs and wearing workout clothes and a jersey instead.

We stroll for another hour or so and most of the shops are closed so we’re just enjoying the window displays of Michael Kors, Hugo Boss (he says he used to model suits back in the day and promised he’ll dress to the nines on a date one day…I die right there because ummm…who doesn’t love a man in a suit?!), Tumi (he knows his luggage and gives me the rundown), Marbles the Brain Store (my son’s favorite), and more.

It’s getting late and so we finally head back to the car. We’re giddy and cute and he steals another kiss, as he’d been doing throughout the night. Shopping was so fun and it felt good to get out and move around for a bit. He’s very sweet and affectionate and I rated this shopping experience a huge success.

Now at this point I’m thinking to myself, what should we do? It’s about 11:30pm on a weeknight, he’s worked all day and is still on call and could get paged anytime. I know he must be exhausted.

Should I just have him drop me off? Should I suggest we drive to the ocean to watch the waves? Should I invite him over for a glass of wine if he’s up for it?

The rules of dating are always interesting and what I’ve learned is there really are no rules. You just have to go with the flow, know what you want and find someone on the same page.

We headed back towards my apartment and I asked him what he’d like to do.

“I never want our time together to end,” he said. “We have so much fun!”

I agreed and so I asked if he wanted to come in for a glass of wine.

He immediately said “Yes!”

As we looked for parking, it started to dawn on me – I had to tell him something before he got inside.

Now, this next part you might find shocking, if not a bit odd.

As I was straightening up my place before he picked me up earlier, I stopped and thought,

“Shoot. I have to tell him about this…but how?”

You see, in my living room, in the corner by the TV, stands my Christmas Tree. Yes, you heard me – my Christmas Tree! Lights, ornaments and everything. Still standing, shiny and bright, and oh-so-magnificent.

Now I know what you’re thinking…it’s almost March! Wth are you doing with your Christmas tree up still?!

Well, the truth is I freaking love it so much that I just don’t want to take it down! I went all out and had bought super cute ornaments and decorations. It has a theme and color and everything is matching and perfectly placed. It’s a piece of art and when it’s plugged in at night, I just fall in love with it all over again.

But, HOW was I going to break this news to my date without him thinking I was a total cuckoo-brain?!

We finally found a spot and as he pulled up next to the curb, there were some bushes that looked suspicious.  A random clump of green shrubs right by the street.

He looked and asked, “Hey, is that a Christmas tree? That’s weird…” His facial expression was very confused. I about died because if this wasn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what was…

After we saw they were just green bushes, he parked and then I sheepishly said..

“Actually, there’s something I have to tell you before you come in…”

The look on his face became one of immediate suspicion. He froze in his seat. Oh geez. He must be thinking the worst.

“Speaking of Christmas trees….ummmm….I still have mine up.”

I smiled, proudly, and full of hope that he’d still want to come in.

I paused and without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, “Yeah, me too.”

I smiled harder.

“Wait, what?!” I asked, completely not expecting that response.

“Wait a minute….” he said, not really registering the statement I had just made yet. “Did you say you still have your Christmas Tree up???”

“Yeah!” I said. “Wait. Did you say you still have yours up, too?!”

“YES!!!” He laughed out loud. “I love it and won’t take it down!”

You can NOT make this stuff up, people.

“No way!” I exclaimed. “Are you being serious?!”

He was totally serious.

We both just sat there for a second in his parked BMW, full of bewilderment and then both of us shake our heads in disbelief that this is our life right now.

We’re smiling so hard and as we both got out of the car, we both say there’s no way this is true. We don’t believe it. We need to see it with our own eyes.

I mean, what are the freaking chances?!

We walked the block over to my building and as we approached my front door I told him,

“Ok. Wait right here. I’m going to go turn the tree lights on so you get the full affect!”

He said, “Well, of course! Please do.”

I struggled to get my key in the door to unlock it. Not only am I nervous about bringing him to my place for the first time, but he’s about to see my freaking Christmas Tree.

I feel the pressure and anticipation mounting.

I finally got my door unlocked and hurried over to plug in the lights. It was beautiful.

I opened the door and said,

“Ok! Come on in!” Again, filled with pride and anxious anticipation of real judgement.

He entered and lo and behold, there was my freaking Christmas tree, all lit up.

His face lit up about as bright as the tree and he immediately smiled.

“Wow! This is amazing! It’s beautiful. Can I take a picture???”

I laughed and immediately felt relieved. He of course could take a picture.

After a few snaps of the tree, we died laughing as he told me how worried he was that I had to “tell him something first.”

He joked that a bunch of thoughts ran through his head about what I could possibly be getting ready to say. He’s hilarious and thought perhaps I had a two-legged dog or a creepy neighbor who buys my groceries or a roommate that I hadn’t told him about yet. Lol!

But nope, my big headline I dropped was that I still had my Christmas tree up, a good four months longer than any normal person would have theirs up. Which apparently is exactly what is going on at his house, too.

So, guys, guess what Date Four is?

Me, invited over to his house, to see his Christmas tree. 🎄🙈😍

Scrubs – “Second Date”

In my continued attempt to fill you guys in on the highlights of my dating life, I’ve realized that the best date of my life happened almost a year ago and I only shared it on Facebook.  My bad.  It’s the continuation of Scrubs…and there will be a few more posts to follow because we turned into a living Hollywood movie.  Definitely a rom-com, then drama, but always love.  My Facebook friends have never rooted for a guy like this one.  They LOVED him and hearing these updates.  Keep reading…

“Second Date” – February 2017

We finally made a second date happen! (To get caught up on the First Date, click HERE)

Getting to know someone who’s “on-call” at the hospital all the time is tricky, and after trying several times to make plans but he’d get paged and have to re-schedule, we finally found ourselves together again.

As we were enjoying our dinner and laughing at so much together like we did on our first date, the tavern we met at started to get more busy.

People started filling up the tables and booths next to us, the music got louder, friends all were gathering in groups. Eventually someone came over and handed us pens and pieces of paper.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s Trivia Night. We do it here every Monday. You guys should play!”

I smiled real big and looked at my date. I mean, that could be fun! Or awkward. He’s basically a stranger. Would he find this weird? Too much pressure?

The host of Trivia Night, a big jovial friendly fellow wearing a blue plaid flannel over an orange tshirt, got on the microphone and said he’s giving out a round of shots to the group with the best team name.

My competitive nature kicked into high gear.

I told my date that I used to play on a trivia team with my sister and her husband and we crushed it every week. It was really a lot of fun…

He smiled. He was down to play!

I immediately thought of the perfect team name for us: “Second Date.”

Pretty ballsy, considering I KNEW when this was read aloud people would find our table and look. But I didn’t care. He didn’t either. In fact, he LOVED IT.

He turned in our team sheet name and the host got on the mic a few minutes later.

He read the rules of the evening and then a few of the team’s names. I got anxiously excited as I knew he was about to approach our very real situation…

“Next up we have ‘Second date!’ Hold on,” he said. “Is ‘Second Date’ in the room and is this an actual second date???”

My date and I both raised our hands with such enthusiasm we looked like kindergartners shooting our hands up into the air like we had the answer to the question that no one else did.

He was practically sitting on the edge of his seat, and couldn’t wait to share the news.

Everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE in the whole place turned to look at us.

We both nodded and said, “Yep! Totally true! Only our second date!…”

People smiled, and I heard some “Awww’s!” The dudes gave him a knowing smile, and I instantly felt the support of the entire restaurant behind us, pulling for a great second date at Trivia Night.

In between Round 1 and Round 2, the host got on the mic.

“Well, I want this date to end well tonight…Best Team Name goes to ‘Second Date.’ You guys get a round of shots on me. I’m pulling for ya, my man.”

Hahaha! We won! My date and I gave each other a high-five.

He was so happy and so was I. But, to be honest, he was more proud. I could tell there was absolutely no one else he’d rather be with in that place than me.

We played and had the BEST time.  Our chemistry is RIDICULOUS and it’s the kind where we’ll just stare at each other for a few seconds too long, smiling awkwardly, then glancing away while blushing.  Like high schoolers, but grown-ass adults.  Cheese Factor on Level 10.

Some of the questions were impossibly hard and instead of feeling like playing trivia as a team was a terribly embarrassing idea on a date (ie – hey, let’s find out how dumb you are…in public!), we made the best of it and laughed our way through.  I mean, our sense of humor style is so similar and we’d be cracking up and feeding off each other’s one liners, adding quick wit and snarky remarks, entertaining the other via the pop culture in front of us.  Our groove was immensely sexy.

The host came over to us at one point and thanked us for being such good sports. We thanked him for the shots.

And I thanked my intuition to give a vascular specialist with a crazy hectic hospital schedule and a wicked sense of humor another shot, too.

Best second date ever.