So I’ll make this short and sweet cuz there’s a blog a lot of you are waiting to read about The Doc, too…
I’ll try to wrap up the culmination and eventual cold-turkey end to the once seemingly perfect relationship I had with Mr. Bodybuilder. If you need catching up, go HERE, because the last time I blogged – everything was AMAZING!
Long story short, I learned a long time ago that it’s a choice of ours to surround ourselves with who we want. And for me, I choose to surround myself with happy, positive people. Negative Nancys and Debbie Downers can take a seat. #byefelicia This applies to men, too.
Sadly, Mr. Bodybuilder experienced a setback in his career as a personal trainer that ultimately sent him into a downward spiral of negativity that I’ve rarely seen from anyone before. Either that, or I eventually had a veil lifted from my hazy perspective of who I thought he was and/or the “clashing” we always encountered from Day 1 (being that I’m a ray of sunshine and he’s a dark cloud most days) just finally came to light and I couldn’t handle it anymore.
Our workouts were on point still, but then I had to take a week long break to travel to a conference out of state.
During this week he was forced to leave the gym he’d built as a home for 20+ years and find another. Luckily he found one only a few blocks from my office, so I happily switched over and continued to train with him.
But as the days went on, his negative perspective on life, along with his edgy and paranoid personality, only became more apparent. He became defensive and cold and the support and fun we once shared in (and outside) of the gym, came to a screeching halt.
I would be my fun, playful and sometimes flirty self around him, and he’d shut me down, mock me or remain stone-faced. Something had changed.
There were a few times where I had unintentionally said or done something harmless but it would set him off like a nuclear bomb. The man’s temper was no joke and after trying to deal with it for several weeks, I eventually hit my limit.
I was exhausted from the walking on eggshells and trying to maintain my motivation to keep showing up to the gym 6-7 times a week, and to meet with him for private sessions 4x week. It’s hard enough to self-motivate yourself going to the gym and to stay on track if you’re trying to lose weight, so someone who says, “I’m literally not going to be your cheerleader…” doesn’t exactly help.
One night after a tough session, I was determined to take the positive route and was being fun and playful on our way out of the gym after we had finished. He was kinda playing back, as he had been on and off during the session that night. I thought – progress! But as we walked to our cars I playfully tripped and knocked into him and he lost his shit. He called me disrespectful, said that I was always looking to cause him trouble and that I was constantly a problem for him.
Now, ask anyone who knows me, that’s hard to buy. I love to have fun and 99% of the time I’m a happy person.
I also know the personal issues he’s been having in his life and how in most cases when a person is angry at you for nothing, it’s never about you. It’s about them.
That night left me in tears and pain and I made the decision to terminate the remainder our our training sessions, and ultimately our friendship.
I refuse to have such toxic people in my life, even if at one time they tried to help.
I communicated this to him the next day and of course he was defensive. After bringing up multiple examples of how his actions and words were hurtful towards me over the past month, he refused to take responsibility so we went our separate ways.
I was hurt and sad and felt like I had lost one of my best friends, but you know what? My mental health and sanity is just as important as my physical health.
It turns out he helped me lose 25 lbs in 60 days and for that I’m grateful. It was a great kickstart to my journey to get in better shape and I continue to work out on my own.
I tell ya what…the lessons we learn in life are something else! People come into it for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Looking back, I think Mr. Bodybuilder was here for two reasons:
1.) to help me start my weight loss journey and remember what strength I have inside me as a former athlete, and
2.) to remind me that I have the power to choose who I want around me – good or bad.
It’s been 2 months since that last night at the gym and my life has improved significantly. In fact, I ended up removing 3 people in total from my life who I thought were friends but really weren’t healthy for me to be around. I’m in a much better place now. 🙂