Dating in Los Angeles Is….Interesting

My thoughts, opinions and how I REALLY feel about the guys I’m dating, the dates I’m going on or any combo of the two.

My Tear Ducts Still Work

~ Single Girl ~ 4 Comments

Dating is emotional.

So many different emotions are felt along this journey: excitement when that total hottie I was scoping sends me a note, frustration when the only thing guys write in a first message online is “hey,” nervousness when I’m about to meet someone on a first date, joy when I find myself laughing and creating great memories with someone special, sadness…well, that last one is most fresh.

Last night I ended things with “The Doc”, a guy who I’d been seeing for several months.

Long story short, he’s amazing. So amazing that I could see a serious, longterm future with him. That rarely happens.

The Doc had everything on my “list” and then some. Overly intelligent (graduated with his PhD at 24), super funny (I’ve never laughed and smiled so much with a guy), athletic, kind, patient, wise, religious, a great cuddler, a generous date, a foodie who appreciates the finer things in life, financially stable, a techy, a former ball player, a great career, and on and on.

So why end things?

Because he’s not looking for the same things I am.

He’s “focused on his career and being a great dad” to his adorable little princess, and a relationship isn’t something that’s a priority for him.

Personally, I think that’s code for “I’m scared.”

Why? Because The Doc and I really clicked. On all levels. There wasn’t a moment of time in between us that wasnt amazing. He had an infectious, perfect smile and he was always, always in a good mood.

We’d spend hours and hours talking either on the phone or in person. Before we knew it we’d look at the clock and it’d be 2am! He would say we were always on the same wavelength. And we were.

He shared things with me he admittedly doesn’t share with people. I challenged his thinking about love and we had beautiful conversations about life and people in it.

Last night on the phone, I got the clarity I needed to make a difficult decision as he reiterated what I heard him say so many months ago when we first started talking: His priorities are what they are.

The only real frustration I’m left with is why he could acknowledge we have something special, something rare and not ordinary, and then watch it stop in its tracks.

Shocked, hurt, even more confused (how do actions not match up to words?!), I thanked him for sharing his perspective and then told him I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore.

There was a lot of silence after that, and thank God tears roll silently down someone’s cheek.

I told him if his priorities ever change, to give me a call. Wished him well, we said goodbye and then hung up.

Then the real tears came. Like crying out loud tears, which I rarely ever, EVER do, but I was truly sad. I felt like I was in high school again.

Sad we weren’t on the same page. Sad it was difficult for him to open up more emotionally about us, sad I found someone so amazing and yet so unavailable, sad I have to send back his $600 Bose headphones he offered to let me use.

Ok, the last one didn’t make me cry, but you get the picture.

Sigh.

Back to the drawing board.

UpDATE: “Too-Young-Tyson-Beckford”

~ Single Girl ~ Leave a comment

My Facebook friends encouraged me to give a new guy a second chance.  I had early suspicions that it might not be a good match, but I don’t want to be a TOTAL ball-buster, so I had date #2 with “Too-Young-Tyson Beckford” (as my friend calls him).

Gorgeous, beautiful man. Actually looks more like Tyrese after staring into his eyes for awhile. I mean, wow, so good-looking, which is REALLY saying a lot to be able to stand out among all the other gorgeous people here in Los Angeles I’ve met, dated or seen on the streets. I’m tempted to post a pic of him, but I won’t.
We met at an artsy bar place in North Hollywood, listened to a pretty decent band, and talked about work, my son, his parents, dating in LA and more. Great conversation, a very serious, deep soul, but this 28-yr-old is definitely still in his 20s. The life experience was lacking and we went all “Dr. Phil” as he shared his struggle to not be a workaholic and make room for important things he now wants – like a relationship that leads to marriage. He also wore skinny jeans. And although he’s basically a model, umm…they still are a wonder for me, especially on a black guy. Yes, I said it.

Bottom line – he wants more, he likes me, the ball is in my court, he invited me to his place, he wants to go out with me again, etc but ya know what? Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. It’s just not “there!” Sorry!

We lingered goodbye at my car (mostly b/c I couldn’t stop looking at him and knew it’d be the last time), he told me it was up to me to move forward or not, we hugged then I left.

Once in my car, I grabbed my cell phone because I saw the blinking notification light come on early in the evening, but was polite and waited to check my phone until later. I was excited to see I’d missed a few texts from others I’m seeing…men in their 30s and 40s who definitely bring things to a whole other level.

“Tyson” is hot, yet I’ve never been a shallow person. I’m so glad to finally be at a place where I know exactly what I’m looking for. Looks matter, but not nearly as much as what happens in between the ears. And thus, my thrilling dating life continues…

Who I’ve Dated in The Melting Pot…aka Los Angeles

~ Single Girl ~ 2 Comments

I was born and raised in the Midwest, the suburbs of Chicago, to be exact.  For a short stint, I also lived on a farm.  With barns and everything.  My move to Los Angeles in 2006 was brave, scary and awesome.  My dating life and what it would or wouldn’t be was never a top priority or point of concern, but over the years as a single girl, I’ve come to have some pretty amazing first-hand experiences with dating in this giant city ‘o lights.  Wow, is it an interesting place.

LA is a melting pot.  No one is from here and we’re all known as “transplants.” Everyone moves to California to follow their dreams, in hopes of hitting it big.  Cool.  Me, too. And in some respects, I have.

However, the desire to find a boyfriend or girlfriend to be in a long-term committed relationship with you is like almost non-existent compared to other (probably smaller) towns.  Everyone is “on their grind” – especially the 20s and 30s crowd.

Here’s a taste of who I’ve “dated” over the years here in LA:

Bartenders, actors, directors, photographers, personal trainers, musicians, vocalists, writers….did I mention actors and personal trainers? Yeah, I sense a theme, too.  They were all pretty awesome guys, actually.  Some had more going than others, but I tend to hold a higher standard with who I want to spend time with so they were all above average, for sure.

Bonus: Almost everyone was really good-looking.  It must be something in the water here.  (That’s true for most ANYONE in Los Angeles – people are beautiful here.  Even the garbage men are hot.)

But I didn’t just run into struggling wanna-be dudes, hoping to become the next big thing in Hollywood.  I’ve also dated VPs of major corporations, millionaire dudes with investment portfolios to be proud of, bankers, real estate geniuses and more.

I’ve dated guys with no cars and guys pushing Range Rovers.  I’ve dated vegans (eww, what?) and guys who wear skinny jeans to good ‘ol Midwest guys I’m familiar with from back home.

But most of them put finding a woman to date, then marry and fall into happily ever after with wayyyyy at the bottom of their list.  They had much more to be focused on.  And I did in the past, too.

There’s a mentality here that tends to put your selfish pursuits first, and your accommodations towards others, second.  Obviously this is a problem when it comes to finding longterm love.

Personally, I’ve LOVED getting to know single guys here.  The few total whackjobs I’ve encountered over the years still don’t deter me from welcoming a new introduction.

Now that I’m over the “casual dating” phase of my life, I’m hoping to find the proverbial needle in the haystack.  I’ll be sure to bring you the highlights going forward of who’s in the running. 🙂