Dating is emotional.
So many different emotions are felt along this journey: excitement when that total hottie I was scoping sends me a note, frustration when the only thing guys write in a first message online is “hey,” nervousness when I’m about to meet someone on a first date, joy when I find myself laughing and creating great memories with someone special, sadness…well, that last one is most fresh.
Last night I ended things with “The Doc”, a guy who I’d been seeing for several months.
Long story short, he’s amazing. So amazing that I could see a serious, longterm future with him. That rarely happens.
The Doc had everything on my “list” and then some. Overly intelligent (graduated with his PhD at 24), super funny (I’ve never laughed and smiled so much with a guy), athletic, kind, patient, wise, religious, a great cuddler, a generous date, a foodie who appreciates the finer things in life, financially stable, a techy, a former ball player, a great career, and on and on.
So why end things?
Because he’s not looking for the same things I am.
He’s “focused on his career and being a great dad” to his adorable little princess, and a relationship isn’t something that’s a priority for him.
Personally, I think that’s code for “I’m scared.”
Why? Because The Doc and I really clicked. On all levels. There wasn’t a moment of time in between us that wasnt amazing. He had an infectious, perfect smile and he was always, always in a good mood.
We’d spend hours and hours talking either on the phone or in person. Before we knew it we’d look at the clock and it’d be 2am! He would say we were always on the same wavelength. And we were.
He shared things with me he admittedly doesn’t share with people. I challenged his thinking about love and we had beautiful conversations about life and people in it.
Last night on the phone, I got the clarity I needed to make a difficult decision as he reiterated what I heard him say so many months ago when we first started talking: His priorities are what they are.
The only real frustration I’m left with is why he could acknowledge we have something special, something rare and not ordinary, and then watch it stop in its tracks.
Shocked, hurt, even more confused (how do actions not match up to words?!), I thanked him for sharing his perspective and then told him I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore.
There was a lot of silence after that, and thank God tears roll silently down someone’s cheek.
I told him if his priorities ever change, to give me a call. Wished him well, we said goodbye and then hung up.
Then the real tears came. Like crying out loud tears, which I rarely ever, EVER do, but I was truly sad. I felt like I was in high school again.
Sad we weren’t on the same page. Sad it was difficult for him to open up more emotionally about us, sad I found someone so amazing and yet so unavailable, sad I have to send back his $600 Bose headphones he offered to let me use.
Ok, the last one didn’t make me cry, but you get the picture.
Back to the drawing board.
4 thoughts on “My Tear Ducts Still Work”
Know that you are helping a lot of people by sharing your truth here.I’m sure it will hurt for a while. And then you will realize what you have learned from this experience and take that with you into the next relationship even stronger and more sure of yourself.
Thanks for sharing, Bev. I appreciate you being here and following along! I already feel “fine” and have more dates set up (with a new guy, and with someone else I had been gone on a few dates with). You’re right that I will learn from this – it’s my learning I took from the past that even helped me make THIS decision! Cheers xoxo
Sorry hon But at least he now knows you are the kind of woman that respects herself enough to accept nothing less than what you deserve. How much you want to bet THAT is a first in his world? You will thank yourself at some point for not settling for anything less than what you are seeking. Every time I have convinced myself things will change or come around, they never do. You were SMART. I know it stings, but trust me, a sting hurts WAY less than a full blown broken heart years later. Hang tough. -xo
What a GREAT analogy. You’re so right, Stacey. A sting hurts way less. I know we’ve all felt the “gut punch straight to the stomach” or the “knife to the heart” feeling and that’s what I was trying to avoid down the line. Oh how I love being able to learn from the past! xoxo