Author: Single Girl

Why Dating is Difficult in Los Angeles

~ Single Girl ~ Leave a comment

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This is a frequent topic among my other single friends and myself.

A lot of people here who are dating and not finding “the one” blame it on the city. They say it’s too hard here, that people are not really looking for a relationship, or that they just don’t know what they want.   People are mostly focused on their career or their pursuits of becoming the next big thing.   Before you know it we have a city full of wandering single folks constantly shaking their head.

I’ve experienced these things myself and I’ve also seen it happen to others.

Being clear on what you want is definitely a big help.  This wasn’t always the case with me, even though I thought I knew what I wanted. Oops! Sorry to all the guys I met who were interested in pursuing more but got the hand in the face instead. My bad. That wasn’t nice and must have been super confusing when you heard me say I’m looking for a relationship.

Recently I’ve learned that in order to know what you want in a partner, you must first really know yourself. Now I know this sounds all Yoda-like, but it really does make a difference.

Knowing yourself give you confidence. Knowing yourself allows you to create boundaries, expectations and goals. Knowing yourself allows you to have easier conversations in the “getting to know you” process.

Dating can be a challenge. Why not make it easier on yourself by figuring out the above? 🙂

Los Angeles is a tricky place to date, yes, but really I think this concept applies everywhere in the country. 

What do you think?

UpDATE: “Too-Young-Tyson-Beckford”

~ Single Girl ~ Leave a comment

My Facebook friends encouraged me to give a new guy a second chance.  I had early suspicions that it might not be a good match, but I don’t want to be a TOTAL ball-buster, so I had date #2 with “Too-Young-Tyson Beckford” (as my friend calls him).

Gorgeous, beautiful man. Actually looks more like Tyrese after staring into his eyes for awhile. I mean, wow, so good-looking, which is REALLY saying a lot to be able to stand out among all the other gorgeous people here in Los Angeles I’ve met, dated or seen on the streets. I’m tempted to post a pic of him, but I won’t.
We met at an artsy bar place in North Hollywood, listened to a pretty decent band, and talked about work, my son, his parents, dating in LA and more. Great conversation, a very serious, deep soul, but this 28-yr-old is definitely still in his 20s. The life experience was lacking and we went all “Dr. Phil” as he shared his struggle to not be a workaholic and make room for important things he now wants – like a relationship that leads to marriage. He also wore skinny jeans. And although he’s basically a model, umm…they still are a wonder for me, especially on a black guy. Yes, I said it.

Bottom line – he wants more, he likes me, the ball is in my court, he invited me to his place, he wants to go out with me again, etc but ya know what? Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. It’s just not “there!” Sorry!

We lingered goodbye at my car (mostly b/c I couldn’t stop looking at him and knew it’d be the last time), he told me it was up to me to move forward or not, we hugged then I left.

Once in my car, I grabbed my cell phone because I saw the blinking notification light come on early in the evening, but was polite and waited to check my phone until later. I was excited to see I’d missed a few texts from others I’m seeing…men in their 30s and 40s who definitely bring things to a whole other level.

“Tyson” is hot, yet I’ve never been a shallow person. I’m so glad to finally be at a place where I know exactly what I’m looking for. Looks matter, but not nearly as much as what happens in between the ears. And thus, my thrilling dating life continues…

I’m Dating Myself, Too

~ Single Girl ~ 1 Comment

One of the things you hear every love, dating, and relationship guru say is that if you don’t love yourself FIRST, how could someone else love you? Or something along those lines.  It sounds kinda sad and desperate, but in reality it’s actually a really important point.

As much as an extroverted outgoing social butterfly I can be, I also enjoy my “me time.” Unless I have set plans with friends, or a date, I prefer to chill on my own.  I don’t ALWAYS need to be with other people to feel fulfilled.  It’s a great time to decompress, unwind and reflect.

This weekend I decided to launch my dating blog.  I knew I wanted to take my laptop somewhere with a great vibe to set it up in.  I was feeling inspired and excited! Maybe up the street to a fabulously swanky rooftop hotel on Sunset Blvd? Somewhere close where I could feel the afternoon sun on my face, while a gentle LA breeze kissed my cheek?

After debating for awhile, I ended up making a last minute decision to jump in my car and take a mini road-trip.  I left the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles and drove south to Rancho Palos Verdes, where a piece of heaven on earth secretly hides away from those who don’t know about it.

I arrived at Terranea Resort, a gorgeous place with private villas and high-end dining sprawling out over acres and acres of manicured lawns, oceans views and cliffs below.  A place I’ve been to before by myself and with a friend, and a place I’m dying to spend a weekend with someone special.  Who and when? Great question. Until then, I’m fine just enjoying its beauty.

I grabbed my blanket out of the trunk, my laptop, my Bose headphones (that a guy I’m currently dating let me borrow…so sweet), an Architectural Digest and my phone and hiked down to the beach.

I found a perfect spot, close to the water.  Two hours of bliss followed.

Life is good.

There is nothing like the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.  NOTHING.

Side note: There were tourists that came by throughout my time there.  Lots of pictures were taken, kids were playing, crazy men jumped into the freezing cold Pacific while their wives laughed at them and smiled, etc.  I caught two Australian guys near me who were in their late 20s probably.  Guess what they were talking about? Dating and relationships, and what the one guy should do about the girl he’s been seeing for a bit.

Love.  It’s universal. 🙂

Who I’ve Dated in The Melting Pot…aka Los Angeles

~ Single Girl ~ 2 Comments

I was born and raised in the Midwest, the suburbs of Chicago, to be exact.  For a short stint, I also lived on a farm.  With barns and everything.  My move to Los Angeles in 2006 was brave, scary and awesome.  My dating life and what it would or wouldn’t be was never a top priority or point of concern, but over the years as a single girl, I’ve come to have some pretty amazing first-hand experiences with dating in this giant city ‘o lights.  Wow, is it an interesting place.

LA is a melting pot.  No one is from here and we’re all known as “transplants.” Everyone moves to California to follow their dreams, in hopes of hitting it big.  Cool.  Me, too. And in some respects, I have.

However, the desire to find a boyfriend or girlfriend to be in a long-term committed relationship with you is like almost non-existent compared to other (probably smaller) towns.  Everyone is “on their grind” – especially the 20s and 30s crowd.

Here’s a taste of who I’ve “dated” over the years here in LA:

Bartenders, actors, directors, photographers, personal trainers, musicians, vocalists, writers….did I mention actors and personal trainers? Yeah, I sense a theme, too.  They were all pretty awesome guys, actually.  Some had more going than others, but I tend to hold a higher standard with who I want to spend time with so they were all above average, for sure.

Bonus: Almost everyone was really good-looking.  It must be something in the water here.  (That’s true for most ANYONE in Los Angeles – people are beautiful here.  Even the garbage men are hot.)

But I didn’t just run into struggling wanna-be dudes, hoping to become the next big thing in Hollywood.  I’ve also dated VPs of major corporations, millionaire dudes with investment portfolios to be proud of, bankers, real estate geniuses and more.

I’ve dated guys with no cars and guys pushing Range Rovers.  I’ve dated vegans (eww, what?) and guys who wear skinny jeans to good ‘ol Midwest guys I’m familiar with from back home.

But most of them put finding a woman to date, then marry and fall into happily ever after with wayyyyy at the bottom of their list.  They had much more to be focused on.  And I did in the past, too.

There’s a mentality here that tends to put your selfish pursuits first, and your accommodations towards others, second.  Obviously this is a problem when it comes to finding longterm love.

Personally, I’ve LOVED getting to know single guys here.  The few total whackjobs I’ve encountered over the years still don’t deter me from welcoming a new introduction.

Now that I’m over the “casual dating” phase of my life, I’m hoping to find the proverbial needle in the haystack.  I’ll be sure to bring you the highlights going forward of who’s in the running. 🙂