upDATES: Mr. Amazing Unavailable aka “The Doc”

Disclaimer:  The owner of this blog has every right to edit this post, take it down, or leave it up, depending on how ok she is with feeling vulnerable.  If you’re still reading this, it’s because as raw and exposing and personal as this stuff is, I know it’s helping some other people relate who are also dating and looking for “the one.”  So I’m wincing, but I’m keeping it up.  And if that’s not the case for you, I hope it’s at least somewhat entertaining for you to read.  My escapades are very real. I’m very human.  And I’m very aware that is kinda crazy to share.  But, it’s here for your reading pleasure.  I also know the guy I end up with will hopefully think this blog is just an extension of how real and authentic I am, and appreciate my writings here. :) As always, all names, including my own, are removed to protect our privacy.

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Over 66% of you who voted in my last blog’s poll I created told me “Yes, see the Doc again.” Half of you told me to be careful, if I did. (Again, if you need catching up about who “The Doc” is, see this blog.)

I decided to see him.

After the very clear conversation a few weeks ago with this amazing man, I knew exactly where he stood.  He “really enjoys our time together, genuinely cares for me, yet isn’t looking for a serious relationship, blah blah blah….”

That sucked.  I told him I couldn’t see him again, then.   So, it was acknowledged that we were both on different pages and it was my own risk to take if I wanted to go back on my word and see him again.  And of course, a week later, he asks to see me.

So, yeah, that happened.  Last night.  (Note: You can start judging me now.) :)

I was just the slightest bit curious of how this conversation of “why do you want to see me?” would go in person (turns out, BAD, very bad….keep reading), so I obliged him in making plans to go to the place where we had our first date.  Of course, it’s the most romantic place I’ve been in California so far.  A swanky resort on the cliffs off the ocean where the first time I went there I mentally said to myself, “Yeah, this would be a good place to get married to someone.  It’s stunningly beautiful.”

I first arrived at his house.  We sat and chatted, then hopped in his car to head to the resort.  He lives conveniently close to this slice of paradise.  Of course.

We valet, a nice gentleman takes my hand as I get out of the car, and we head in to the main building.  The first thing you see is a grand entrance with a view of the Pacific Ocean right in front of you.  It’s about 6pm and the sun is starting to set.  We walk onto the beautiful terrace filled with couches, seating areas and fire pits.

Wouldn’t ya know it it – there’s a freaking wedding happening.  We look below us and watch gorgeous tan people in tuxedos and elegant evening gowns enjoying the cocktail hour.  We spot the bride and groom taking pictures against the sunset and ocean in the distance.

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I bite my tongue as the reminder of how perfect a place this would be to get married almost slips out of my mouth.  Smh.  Duh! Not in front of The Doc! Besides, that’s the last thing men want to hear. Omg…please tell me I am NOT turning into one of THOSE women!

(Btw, if someone could tell me how I went from cool, confident, act-like-a-dude, no-strings-attached heartbreaker chick to imagining great wedding venues without even having a bf yet, that’d be awesome, thanks.  Cuz I have no idea who flipped the freakin’ script.)

Anyways, a lovely waitress comes up to us and offers to get us some drinks.

One of the many things I love about The Doc is that he’s super generous.  When you look up the term “wine & dine,” you see his face next to the definition.  I’m so spoiled every single time we’ve been together and he loves fine dining and luxurious experiences.  I offer to pay for things all the time, yet he NEVER lets me.   He always smiles at me and just shakes his head “no” as he reaches for the bill.  This, clearly, is every woman’s dream in Los Angeles, because it costs money to just breathe out here, and I love how he takes care of me in this way even though I could afford to chip in, pay for my part or even the both of us on occasion.  I’ve even offered to take him out places, but he just kind of brushes it off.

So he asks the waitress if they have his unique and favorite top-shelf gin.  They do and we both order different fancy, overpriced martinis.  We people watch over the wedding people below and laugh and chat about our observations.

The waitress comes back to leave the bill and I about die when he takes out his wallet.  The man has an American Express Corporate credit card right next to his annual pass to Disneyland card (for his 3 1/2 year old daughter).  I see his full name on the AmEx – “Dr. So and So” and I about lose my mind.  He’s such a cool and unassuming guy and his accomplishments so far in life always impress me (he was in college at 16 years old, PhD at 24), so to see the tangibles that make up who this man is, really gets me going.   I giggle and point out the combination of these two things in his wallet to him.  He sees my expression of confused/impressed/turned on all at once and he chuckles back – “Well, I’m also the guy who is reading ‘The Art of War’ and “The 5 Love Languages.”  Yes, yes, that’s who you are.  And I love it.  Mr. Amazing Unavailable who reads books about relationships yet doesn’t want to be in one.  Gee, that’s not confusing at all. (insert sarcastic tone here)

We make our way over to a comfy couch, complete with a fire pit.  We’re chatting away and nothing has been brought up yet about what the hell I’m doing there with him, after I clearly told him I couldn’t see him again.

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We’re sitting close to each other and he proceeds to point out how great I look in my dress, how amazing my eyes are….how “one could say this is a very romantic moment….the fire, the scenery, the sunset, the drinks, the live jazz music coming from inside the lounge next to us…” Um, yeah.  Ya THINK?! We’re sitting closer now and I start to drop down my walls I had put up going into this evening.  I mean, what guy who’s not interested in anything serious takes the time to point out how ROMANTIC a moment like this is???

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We finish our drinks and then head towards one of the fabulous fine dining establishments at the resort.  It’s a new one we haven’t tried before.  We’re seated and handed our menus.  We order more fancy martinis and then a FABULOUS meal, to which we both enjoyed immensely.

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Dinner conversation is great, as always.  The man continues to impress me by talking to me about amortization tables, PMI (private mortgage insurance), the real estate market, etc.  He’s offering me advice and giving me feedback on my future goals.

After he shares some other amazing story or accomplishment, I stop him and remind him of how unique and special he is.  He humbly replies (as always) that he’s “just a regular dude.”  Yeah, ok.  No.  I make him stop eating, look at me and really hear me say how amazing he is.  I’ve met some amazing men in my life.  He’s definitely in that top 5%, and I wanted him to know.  Regardless of what ever ends up happening with us, I think it’s important to celebrate people who typically don’t celebrate themselves.

We finish dinner.  As we’re leaving, he walks up to the General Manager who was saying goodbye to dinner guests as we walked out.   The GM looks nervous. The Doc kindly reports how amazing our server was (he was really, really great) and a smile breaks out on the guy’s face.  He thanks us for coming and hopes to see us again soon.  I love how great a communicator The Doc is.  Sucha  treat.

We feel like sticking around the resort a bit more, so we walk over to another bar/lounge area and order coffees at the bar.  We chat even more but then I’m ready to leave and head back.  Still no conversation about “us” and I don’t know how to bring it up without ruining the mood.  I’m enjoying his company.

PART TWO:

We get back to his house.  He makes us very good, very strong top shelf apple martinis and we watch a comedian’s show on Netflix.  We’re dying laughing.  We have very similar styles of humor and I love laughing with this man.

Each time he refills my glass, we toast.  The first toast, he says, is to “great company…and a beautiful woman.” Skip to the third toast and instead of saying anything, he pauses, looks at me and then goes in for the kiss.  After almost 5 hours of being in each other’s company, it was overdue but right on time.

(By the way, not sure if you’ve ever launched into a make out session while you both hold martini glasses raised in your hands, but that was the longest “toast” ever.  And so nice.)

Our chemistry is undeniable and it felt all too familiar, as the last 4 months of seeing each other bubbles to the top.

We continue to watch the show.

It ends and now it’s super late.  Time has flown.  I don’t want to take any chances on driving the 45 mins it’d take me to get home, and he insists I stay there.  He’s stayed at my place before, but I’ve never stayed with him.

I knew where this was heading and soon I found myself in quite an unusual situation.  As much as I was enjoying everything, all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I started to cry.

He stopped kissing me, confused, naturally, and I pushed him away.  Then, huge crocodile tears and then the gasps of air and shoulder shrugs of sobbing followed.

I felt sadness, guilt.  We hadn’t “talked” about anything that evening, yet I knew nothing was different from his perspective.  And it all came gushing out like a rainstorm in the desert that never sees a storm.  I couldn’t stop.

Now, to fill you in on me – I haven’t cried about anything, much less a man, in a LONG, long time.  I keep shit together.  And here I am freaking the heck out.  I could have bet a million dollars that THIS was never going to happen.  But here I am, bawling like a baby, and have NO idea how to stop it.

He’s asking me what’s wrong, to calm down, that it’s ok.  But I seriously can’t stop.  And I feel like a total moron, so embarrassed that this is happening.  That makes me cry even more.  My dignity is totally shot here.

He’s now holding me and I manage to get out the words “I’m so sorry…I should just go….” I really wanted to leave but he and I both knew that wouldn’t be smart.  So I tell him I’ll go sleep on the couch downstairs then.  He’s not hearing that and says to at least sleep in his guest room then.  I needed space.  I had to get away from him.  I stumble down the hall into the guest room, still crying.

I try to keep it together and do the whole “silent cry” thing, but it just hurts too bad and he must have still heard me, so he comes in and lays down next to me.  He asks me to calm down, comforts me, etc and I eventually stop crying. OMG I am so embarrassed.

Well, no time like the present, so he asks what’s wrong, what happened and I choke through some remaining tears as  I tell him that I was simply frustrated.  Frustrated and shocked, because this was SO not typical behavior of mine.  Again, I never cry and/or get attached to guys, but THIS ONE? Yeah, clearly he got in.

I tell him how amazing he is, how it’s so incredible to share what we have and yet be on completely different pages.  How there are other men who want to pursue something serious, yet here I am with him, Mr. Amazing Unavailable.

He understands and still, true to his character, doesn’t budge on where he stands.  He says he’s just “not the relationship type of guy” and I assure him that someday a very lucky woman will make him think differently.

I actually laugh at how silly, ironic and just STUPID this situation is.  I mutter the famous phrase “taste of my own medicine” and just shake my head at how interesting it feels to have the tables turned on me this time.

It actually helps to be there talking it out with him, and even though I’m kinda an emotional mess, I get where things are logically.  It is what it is.

He’s such a cuddle bug and is holding me the whole time, sharing that he obviously cares about me because here he is, outside his comfort zone, laying next to me to talk.  That means a lot to me and it speaks volumes as to how special we are to each other.

But not special enough.

And that’s what I needed to know for SURE, for sure.

Of course, he wants to see me again.  Anytime.  We do enjoy each other’s company and have developed a sincere friendship along the way, so now I have to decide what, if ever, needs to happen there.  But that’s too much to think about right now.

In the AM we’re still on good terms.  He calls me “Baby” like he’s always done, so many times and I finally said, “I’m not your baby! Stop calling me that! lol” He answered, “I want to call you that.  It comes from a very sincere place.”

I just shake my head and smile.

I go to my car and bring back in his Bose headphones I never mailed back and leave them on the breakfast bar.

Oh, Mr. Amazing Unavailable.  It feels strange to say this, but, thank you.  You’re a complicated, beautiful story.

 

#DatingDilemma – The Doc

I found myself in a texting conversation with “The Doc” yesterday.  (If you need to be caught up, read here.)

Long story short, he wants to see me.  And not just at any place, but the place where we had our first date, Terranea Resort, a super swanky glorious paradise on earth type of place.  (It’s also the place where I went a few weeks back, by myself.  More details on that here. Picture below.)

 

Terranea Resort

 

So here’s my question – do I see him again? He’s very aware of where I stand and that I’m looking for something more than just casual, yet I feel like he’s got something more to either share and/or explore with me.  He stated yesterday that even though I see things as complicated between us, he’s “not going anywhere.”

Feel free to add your own answers.

Stay tuned to see what happened in a future blog post.

Yogurt and La Guitarrrrrra. Serenade me!

After choosing to re-schedule my movie date with Mr. Art Museum dude, I was feeling a bit bad.  It was obvious I had cancelled on him from the day before, but I did really want to see him on Sunday.  Afterall, it had been at least a few weeks since our big excursion to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art), where we poetically postured about Picassos and such.

It was Sunday afternoon and we made plans to meet up at a YogurtLand halfway in between where we both live.  It was also the day of the Emmys, so LA was buzzing.  I was a few minutes early, so I waited in my car.  Some actor teenager kid being driven in a black Escalade rolled up next to my parked car at a stoplight and started talking to me while I was scrolling on my phone.  My window was down.  He was trying to be funny and asked if I was tweeting to him and “Liking” all his pics.  I had no idea who he was.  Random. So LA.

My date arrives.  He looks good! He’s a fashion designer so style is a part of who he is.  He wore a trendy, black collared shirt, designer jeans, cool sunglasses and dark red Mexican cowboy boots.   He gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before we head inside.

We catch up about what’s happened in our lives over the last few weeks.  It’s good to see him.  He’s also a substitute Math teacher who gets placed a lot in the “hood” and I love hearing his stories about putting the bad kids in check.  A teacher with a bad boy side? Yes, please.  Best of both worlds!

I didn’t feel like seeing a movie, so instead he invited me to come check out his office.  Kinda nice idea.  And very random.  But I dig spontaneity, so I went with it.  It was about 15 mins away, so we finished our yogurt, jumped in my car and headed that way.

It was a Sunday, so there was no one really around.  Other businesses next to his were closed.

Inside his office, he showed me a bunch of his paintings.  Acrylics on canvas.  Very cool stuff!

I could tell he was trying to impress me (in the most humble way), and he kept making sure I was comfortable, asking if I needed anything to drink, etc.  I could tell he was nervous, but still calmly confident.  After all, he’s in his 40s.  This is not his first rodeo.

By the way, during the whole date he’s giving me non-stop crap.  He’s flirtaciously telling me about my “game” and how I’ve really got this city exactly how I want it when it comes to dating.

This cracks me up because I never see myself as this “player” type that he’s trying to label me as.  Although, by this point, he’s very aware that I’m not a typical woman dating in LA. I’m confident, outgoing and flirtacious.  I’m not perfect, but I’m established, connected, ambitious and I know what I want.  We have spent some great time together on a few dates, but I’m not blowing up his phone or looking interested/desperate/thirsty.  He’s intrigued about me more than anyone has been in a long time, and he knows that I’m talking to and seeing other guys.

I think this drives him crazy.  He mentioned early on how I’m a “lockdown type of woman” – someone who could find themselves in a relationship easily.  With the guy I choose, obviously.

He’s also been “stalking” me on Facebook.  Even though we’re not Facebook friends and he can’t see everything I post, he DID see me upload a new profile picture from a red carpet event I went to in Hollywood last week.  He apparently loved my dress. :)

He says to me, “Your game is so tight, we need a referee in here.” “You know exactly what you’re doing….”

I just smile and laugh and act innocent. :)

So after he puts away his artwork, he grabs a guitar.  A guitar! We’re both sitting on the couch in his office and he proceeds to serenade me with songs he’s written.

Ok, now is the part where I have a Perma-grin on my face.  Any man who has any sort of musical capability has my guaranteed attention.   Turns out he can’t sing worth a hoot, but his strumming is pretty good and definitely making me smile.

We end up ordering pizza and watching a documentary about this wirewalker guy who attempted to walk a tightrope over the World Trade Center buildings.

Before we knew it, it was getting late and I had to get home.  I drove him back to his car, we smooched and then parted ways.

It was a great date overall, and I appreciate how open and honest he is about things.  I’m still learning who he is (and vice versa) and not sure if there’s real long-term potential there, but we’ll see. ;)

 

 

A Date with “Mr. Instead”

After my decision to end things with “The Doc,” I did my best to keep things as normal as possible.  Since I wasn’t exclusively seeing anyone, and still had a LOT of interest from Mr. Art Museum dude, I had little problem moving forward.

The weekend quickly approached me and before I knew it, Mr. Art Museum/Borderline-Stalker/”Really Knows How to use Google To Research Me” Guy had asked me out on a date for the upcoming Saturday.   Since he’s also an actor, writer and director (who has an IMDB account – booyah! The stalking works both ways, baby!) he’s big into films and invited me to see a movie with him.  I’m not a movie person, but the man owns 400+ DVDs and I like someone with a passion, so we agree to meet that Saturday evening to catch a flick.

Ok, cool.  We have plans.  I like having plans.  Even if it’s just doing nothing by myself, I like to know what the weekend plan is ahead of time.

Saturday morning arrives and I take my laptop to my favorite fancy spot to do some work and have some breakfast.

While I’m working, I end up having a text conversation with someone from my recent past.  A former colleague.  A brilliant, sweet, cool man who is….let’s say….”unavailable” for anything other than friendship, although someone who can look at me without saying anything and have an entire conversation just between our eyes.

He doesn’t live nearby at all but says he needs to buy a jacket and that I should be his fashion guru and help him out.  Strangely enough (not really) I wanted to go shopping that day, too! Yay! So I agree to help him out.  We make plans for him to travel the 60+ mins to get to where I’m at in Los Angeles later that afternoon.

Oh, wait.  I had already scheduled a date with Mr. Art Museum dude! Dang it!

Now, if you know me personally, I’m not the type of person who ever cancels after making a commitment. I’m impeccable about keeping my plans.

HOWEVER, I really wanted to spend time with my friend instead of Mr. Art Museum dude.  Like, really bad. I knew it’d be no pressure, we’d have a good time, he’d treat me like a woman, we’d laugh, talk about business and shop.  And at the end of the night, there wouldn’t be any pressure or expectation or extra R-rated stuff to deal with as if I were on a date with Mr. Art Museum dude who is not afraid of PDA.  And after the whole Doc situation, I really wanted that break.

So I asked to re-schedule, canceled on Mr. Art Museum and went out with Mr. Instead….instead.

And it was an awesome time! We shopped (found him a very sexy black jacket at Macys), I shopped for the things I needed to pick up, and then he took me to dinner and then drinks in Beverly Hills.  It was an AWESOME night, and at one point we even discussed over super fancy martinis how nice it was to have a friend of the opposite sex to hang out with every now and then.

We went to Nic's in Beverly Hills and listened to live jazz music.  Amazing.

Dating can be hard work.  It can place you all over the map, emotionally.  Spending time alone is good.  Spending time with my girlfriends is good, too.  But I’m getting really good at listening….and choosing…exactly what I want in my life.

This weekend I found a new category I’d like to explore, too.  Something else.  Instead. :)

My Tear Ducts Still Work

Dating is emotional.

So many different emotions are felt along this journey: excitement when that total hottie I was scoping sends me a note, frustration when the only thing guys write in a first message online is “hey,” nervousness when I’m about to meet someone on a first date, joy when I find myself laughing and creating great memories with someone special, sadness…well, that last one is most fresh.

Last night I ended things with “The Doc”, a guy who I’d been seeing for several months.

Long story short, he’s amazing. So amazing that I could see a serious, longterm future with him. That rarely happens.

The Doc had everything on my “list” and then some. Overly intelligent (graduated with his PhD at 24), super funny (I’ve never laughed and smiled so much with a guy), athletic, kind, patient, wise, religious, a great cuddler, a generous date, a foodie who appreciates the finer things in life, financially stable, a techy, a former ball player, a great career, and on and on.

So why end things?

Because he’s not looking for the same things I am.

He’s “focused on his career and being a great dad” to his adorable little princess, and a relationship isn’t something that’s a priority for him.

Personally, I think that’s code for “I’m scared.”

Why? Because The Doc and I really clicked. On all levels. There wasn’t a moment of time in between us that wasnt amazing. He had an infectious, perfect smile and he was always, always in a good mood.

We’d spend hours and hours talking either on the phone or in person. Before we knew it we’d look at the clock and it’d be 2am! He would say we were always on the same wavelength. And we were.

He shared things with me he admittedly doesn’t share with people. I challenged his thinking about love and we had beautiful conversations about life and people in it.

Last night on the phone, I got the clarity I needed to make a difficult decision as he reiterated what I heard him say so many months ago when we first started talking: His priorities are what they are.

The only real frustration I’m left with is why he could acknowledge we have something special, something rare and not ordinary, and then watch it stop in its tracks.

Shocked, hurt, even more confused (how do actions not match up to words?!), I thanked him for sharing his perspective and then told him I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore.

There was a lot of silence after that, and thank God tears roll silently down someone’s cheek.

I told him if his priorities ever change, to give me a call. Wished him well, we said goodbye and then hung up.

Then the real tears came. Like crying out loud tears, which I rarely ever, EVER do, but I was truly sad. I felt like I was in high school again.

Sad we weren’t on the same page. Sad it was difficult for him to open up more emotionally about us, sad I found someone so amazing and yet so unavailable, sad I have to send back his $600 Bose headphones he offered to let me use.

Ok, the last one didn’t make me cry, but you get the picture.

Sigh.

Back to the drawing board.

First I Got Naked, Then I Got Nailed…

Well here’s another “first” for the books! Check out my date…

Since both of the guys I’ve been dating most recently were having guy’s night outs with their friends to watch some big boxing fight (boring, dumb, too violent but do your thing, boyz!), today was some more “me-time.”  (In case you’re just joining the blog, I’m dating myself, too.)

Not sure what I was going to do, so I was SO excited to have been invited somewhere new by one of my girls and her girlfriend.  Miss “E”, Miss “K” and I got up early Saturday morning to head to their favorite….Korean Spa! Yes, that’s right! Where you’re REQUIRED to strip down to your birthday suit to enjoy the facilities.  Let the nakedness with people you know (as well as complete strangers) begin!

Side note: For those of you who were expecting something a little more raunchy based on my blog post title, sorry for the letdown.  That story is on my OTHER blog.  Kidding.  Maybe.

For those of you who are still interested in reading, hello.  Allow me to explain my first Korean Spa experience. :)

First of all, they don’t have these back in IL where I’m from (or if they do, I never saw one tucked away in a cornfield somewhere).  In general terms, it’s a day of heaven on earth without breaking the bank.  It’s a place to come relax in several different saunas, steam rooms, hot tubs, even HOTTER tubs, cold baths and more.  You can indulge in extra services such as a massage, body scrub, manicure/pedicure or even get your hair did.

There’s a restaurant, a floor for just women, one for just men, and one for co-ed.  This particular Spa also had a nice rooftop deck, with views of downtown Los Angeles.

You can find a comfy mat to lay on in the dark, quiet “nap” room and then actually fall asleep.  Like kids do.  Except you’re an adult.  It’s totally cool and nobody looks at you weird.   I actually tried it, but couldn’t relax enough so I just laid there and Facebooked with friends on my phone.  (I was a bit jealous that Miss “E” went in and just knocked out, as we say.  She’s a pro, though, and has been here several times.  Remember, I was a Korean Spa virgin!)

I’m constantly being told that I work too much and don’t relax enough.  My mind is always working, and with a career based on the Internet, I never truly stop, so it was nice to try and detach for several hours.  I even left my cell phone in my locker during parts of the visit!

So here was our day:

After we first arrived, we all changed.  They got naked, but I got into my robe.  Remember – it’s my first time.  It felt weird and I had to ease into it.  I’m a pretty confident chick, no matter what my size is, but this was a tad uncomfortable at first.

Almost naked.

We kind of went separate directions because we each had set up appointments for services.  But then it came time.

STRIP!

I hit the hot tub with other naked ladies, then had some nice Korean lady in a black bra and panty “outfit” come get me for my body scrub and massage.

She spoke little English, but she managed to understand my sheepish smile and the “It’s my first time” sentence.   She smiled back and pointed to the table where I was to lay face down.  The next 90 minutes were amazing.

Scrub, scrub, scrub, rinse, “turn ova”, “turn on side”, scrub, scrub, scrub, “go showa…wash face…come back”, more scrubbing, then….CUCUMBERS! She applied this mushy stuff on my face.  I couldn’t see b/c of the towel she’d place on my eyes but I will always recognize cucumber! (My parents have a farm with a huge garden.  They grow a ton of these.)

A nice facial, too? DEAL.  It felt amazing, and then she even washed my hair.

So after she removed a good 19 layers of my epidermus along with my facial, she gave me a massage.

I’m a pretty big wuss when it comes to massages, and this wasn’t even a Thai or Deep Tissue massage, but I cringed through most of it while I kept telling my muscles to ‘take it like a man!’ Or, woman, in this case.

At one point, she smacked the back of my calf gently and said, “Relax!”

Dude, I’m trying here.

Guess I should get massages more often?

Anyhow, after the treatment was over, I felt brand new.   Amazing!

Then it was time for my manicure appointment.  She did such a good job that my girls thought my nails were fake.  They’re totally real!

Nailed. French-style.

It was then time for lunch.  We got dressed in the shorts and tshirt (sans bra…again, weird) they give you and walked up to the restaurant.  I ordered things I don’t usually order.  I had something Korean that was delicious.  And BOBA.  Google it, if you don’t know. Yum.

After lunch, we ventured into the different co-ed saunas.  My favorites were laying on clay pebbles in a heated room, the “ice box” sauna at 41 degrees and strangely enough – 2 minutes of sitting inside a 211-degree hut.  OMG.  Intensely hot.

By this time we had been there for several hours, so they took showers and then got all dressed and cute.   We hugged, and then they headed home.  I had driven separately and had brought my laptop and some work stuff to do, so I was planning to set up shop somewhere after they left.  But I wasn’t quite done with all the spa shenanigans! I was kinda digging it.

Since I was back downstairs in the women’s spa, I stripped down again.

At this point, I’m super comfortable.  There are many different size, shapes, ages and nationalities here.  It was nice to see and not at all like what you’d think an “LA experience” would give you.

My curves and I rinsed down, then jumped back into the hot tub with more naked ladies.  It was super relaxing and afterwards, I think I took the longest shower of my life.  Next to other naked ladies.  (get the picture yet?)

After that, it was time to work.  I got dressed and journeyed up to the roof to read a script for work.  SO relaxing!

Working on a Saturday and totally ok with that.

Came back down and then headed out to enjoy the rest of my evening.

So there ya have it! My first Korean Spa experience.  Huge thanks to Miss “E” who invited me to join in.

I’ll definitely be back.  With my birthday suit and all. :)

Why Dating is Difficult in Los Angeles

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This is a frequent topic among my other single friends and myself.

A lot of people here who are dating and not finding “the one” blame it on the city. They say it’s too hard here, that people are not really looking for a relationship, or that they just don’t know what they want.   People are mostly focused on their career or their pursuits of becoming the next big thing.   Before you know it we have a city full of wandering single folks constantly shaking their head.

I’ve experienced these things myself and I’ve also seen it happen to others.

Being clear on what you want is definitely a big help.  This wasn’t always the case with me, even though I thought I knew what I wanted. Oops! Sorry to all the guys I met who were interested in pursuing more but got the hand in the face instead. My bad. That wasn’t nice and must have been super confusing when you heard me say I’m looking for a relationship.

Recently I’ve learned that in order to know what you want in a partner, you must first really know yourself. Now I know this sounds all Yoda-like, but it really does make a difference.

Knowing yourself give you confidence. Knowing yourself allows you to create boundaries, expectations and goals. Knowing yourself allows you to have easier conversations in the “getting to know you” process.

Dating can be a challenge. Why not make it easier on yourself by figuring out the above? :)

Los Angeles is a tricky place to date, yes, but really I think this concept applies everywhere in the country. 

What do you think?

A text I received several hours before our 2nd date. Ok, Romeo…

Flattery will get you anywhere.

Cute.  Sweet.  Creative.  #fashiondesigner

UpDATE: “Too-Young-Tyson-Beckford”

My Facebook friends encouraged me to give a new guy a second chance.  I had early suspicions that it might not be a good match, but I don’t want to be a TOTAL ball-buster, so I had date #2 with “Too-Young-Tyson Beckford” (as my friend calls him).

Gorgeous, beautiful man. Actually looks more like Tyrese after staring into his eyes for awhile. I mean, wow, so good-looking, which is REALLY saying a lot to be able to stand out among all the other gorgeous people here in Los Angeles I’ve met, dated or seen on the streets. I’m tempted to post a pic of him, but I won’t.
We met at an artsy bar place in North Hollywood, listened to a pretty decent band, and talked about work, my son, his parents, dating in LA and more. Great conversation, a very serious, deep soul, but this 28-yr-old is definitely still in his 20s. The life experience was lacking and we went all “Dr. Phil” as he shared his struggle to not be a workaholic and make room for important things he now wants – like a relationship that leads to marriage. He also wore skinny jeans. And although he’s basically a model, umm…they still are a wonder for me, especially on a black guy. Yes, I said it.

Bottom line – he wants more, he likes me, the ball is in my court, he invited me to his place, he wants to go out with me again, etc but ya know what? Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. It’s just not “there!” Sorry!

We lingered goodbye at my car (mostly b/c I couldn’t stop looking at him and knew it’d be the last time), he told me it was up to me to move forward or not, we hugged then I left.

Once in my car, I grabbed my cell phone because I saw the blinking notification light come on early in the evening, but was polite and waited to check my phone until later. I was excited to see I’d missed a few texts from others I’m seeing…men in their 30s and 40s who definitely bring things to a whole other level.

“Tyson” is hot, yet I’ve never been a shallow person. I’m so glad to finally be at a place where I know exactly what I’m looking for. Looks matter, but not nearly as much as what happens in between the ears. And thus, my thrilling dating life continues…

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